June 25

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 25: “If you are anything other than humbled in the presence of love, you are not in the presence of love.” ― Marie-Helene Bertino

This might be better with Love capitalized. I don’t believe this quote is speaking about the couples’ kind of love, but the Universal kind of Love.

The Love that we speak of in recovery settings, where we get unconditional acceptance and Love, even when we are at our most desperate and unlovable states. Especially when we are at our most desperate and unlovable states.

I spend a lot of time pondering what Love does to heal us. We are all culturally damaged beings. All of us. There is a culture that puzzles me, the one we have created, and where we become exquisitely broken and battered by the beliefs that things other than our spirits are what matter most. We are always struggling against these beliefs and our inherent broken spirits.

Is this what the journey to this time and place and life have been about? Seems like it to me. I feel directly impacted by the time and place and cultural implications of my time here. Don’t you? The misogyny of being a female in the second half of the 20^th century and all the experiences encountered there and then. By so many of us.

The chances for recovery that are not quite as intensive as some of us need, so we revert back to addiction because it truly is the only path we can see out of the psychic pain of living in a world with no soul, no spirit.

So, YES! I am humbled, again and again, by the overwhelming sense of being Loved by a Universe that allows such damaging beliefs to prevail. Where I am valued by things other than my Essential Being, although I must work over half my lifetime to recapture that part of me that I am truly dying without. It is a dichotomy that I will return to again and again over this experience, only to find answers that leave me with even more questions.

My spirit is rich and full, yet I revert, at the mere promise of the other kind of love, to a lesser being who is desperate and needy in too many ways. This is discouraging to say the least. Then I get to find a new paradigm of healing that teaches me about my intense broken beliefs about love and Love and how I am to be valued or not. This is the process that takes me over and allows me to see that we are all so fucking fragile and in need of even more Love. The Love that allows us all to heal the Hungry Ghost we walk through the world hoping to feed. Truly humbling stuff this is!