HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 8: “I deserted the world and sought solitude because I became tired of rendering courtesy to those multitudes who believe that humility is a sort of weakness, and mercy a kind of cowardice, and snobbery a form of strength.” ― Kahlil Gibran
When I first came around here, I was such a social butterfly. I was part of everything big and full of people. I have become less and less so as time has gone by. Mostly, I believe, because I have moved so much over these years that I am always the new kid on the block.
I am convinced that the Universe puts everyone into my life that is needed for my highest growth and development. While my service commitments put me in touch with a number of folks, I am not social by nature. I don’t attend the “groovy” parties or gatherings in AA. I used to, but I outgrew that idea when I was about 4 or 5 years along here.
I don’t go to the conventions and large events either. I got involved, in recent years, in some social stuff because I took on a particular bit of service-related work that gave me a commitment for a few years. It is over now, and I have gone back to my solitary lifestyle. I love it!
I am not looking to be the popular speaker, like I once was. I don’t really care to do that. I share a lot in my service gigs, and that seems to fill my plate. I only like to go to Step Study and Big Book Study meetings, because I just don’t want to hear all the crap I do in others. I want to hear solutions and to focus on recovery, not drinking and drugging.
This is just me today. I may shift this way of doing things, but right now I am all about the little meetings where only a few old timers gather to discuss the deeper aspects of the 12 steps and how they work after years of doing this. I do not believe I am created to be out in the world like so many others, and even those who have a lot of time. We are just different.
Humility, for me, is knowing who I am and what is right and what is wrong for ME. Not for anyone else, I don’t know this for others. Just me. And that is the only road I am being asked to travel. So, I do what feels right. Even my sponsor and I disagree on some of this. She is a big meeting attender. I am not. One or two a week are perfect for me.
I have always let the service aspects of recovery be my foundation. I spend a lot of time doing 12-step work in various institutions, and that really feeds my spirit. I share with those who do that work also. It is way more fulfilling for me than regular meetings. Just my story.