May 19

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 19: “It’s okay to Evolve and Change, and become more of who you really are. It’s okay to Become More Yourself.” ― Jeanette Coron

I am not sure about the capital letters here. It is interesting to read. I leave quotes the way they come to me. This is probably part of a conversation, the way it is emphasized.

But I like it. We grow older and lose the need to clothe ourselves so fully to the world around us. The things that seemed to matter greatly when we are young drop off and we become more and more the person we began when we were born.

I believe we come into this world fully ready to do life. We can learn ANYTHING. What we are taught is an interesting blend, based on our early environment and the people who populate that environment. What we believe about it is based on many factors, but most of all on the story we begin to tell ourselves in those early years. The story is made up from scraps of information we gather as we go. We hear things from other people and either choose to believe or disbelieve them, all kind of a crap shoot. We may believe what we hear and determine that it will be our truth forever more.

Or, we create our own truth, based on absolute chance. It is so intriguing how this formation happens with each of us.

So, our identity begins with a wholly made up story, pieced together by our infantile, but expanding brains, based on many varying factors. Then, we add to the story when we become more socialized, finding pieces of behavior and story that suit what we believe as we go along.

In a healthy environment, we understand that we are discovering our personality, our likes and dislikes, and our journey into young adulthood.

Most of us, in this culture at least, are not given that information and believe we are here to only please those people with whom we most often interface, our parents or caregivers, whomever they may be. It is terribly important, for our survival, as we experience it, that these people be happy with who we are and what we do. If they are dysfunctional, we don’t know from one moment to the next, what that means. There are conditions we do not understand, and they may be very inconsistent, which gives us a strong sense of insecurity and unstable connection to them.

So, how do we develop as adults with all this fucked up insecurity and unstable connection? We give ourselves permission to let go of the story. We know it takes work, and many of us are just lazy about that, so we tell ourselves the story about how we don’t like people. How we just want to be alone, but are secretly dying for SOMEONE to get it. To draw us out of our shells and hold us and love us and accept us even when we act like assholes. We go from one person to the next, looking for that.

And the problem is this: It is only US who can do that job. Unconditional love, Acceptance, and Cherishing are OUR jobs, not anyone else’s. So, we must allow that to be fully formed and develop into who we are and how we live in the world, with or without people. No matter. It is not only okay, it is essential to happiness and the freedom we are all looking for, and for any sense of integrity to exist.

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Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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