April 12

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 12: “I’d rather have cancer than a dishonest heart. Which isn’t being pious. Just practical. Cancer may cool you, but the other’s sure to.” ― Truman Capote

I believe our hearts have always been honest. What happens is the ego teaches us to be less so. We begin to buy into the fear tactics of Ego and then we become dishonest in our behaviors and attitudes. I don’t believe we can have dishonest hearts.

This is the way we are created. With a heart that is always going to know the difference between right and wrong, for us. We may try to impose that on others, and that is the problem with our relationships. We don’t understand that each of us has an internal compass that steers our lives and keeps us where we need to be.

Ego (Screaming Purple Monkeys…SPM) does not allow for the heart to lead us. It keeps us in a state of heightened fear and agitation, always dissatisfied and afraid we are not doing it well or right, that someone else is getting more than we are, that they are ‘out to get us’ and so many other familiar story lines.

None of these is true. If we learned at an early age how to listen to the quiet voice of the heart instead of the screaming voice of the SPM, we would never have needed to drink or drug in the first place. But, we were imposed on by so many other factors: home, family, school, friends, church, etc. that we did not know how to listen to our own hearts.

Then we get all balled up and come around here. The whole purpose of this deal is to teach us to let go of the shit we have learned over the years, usually at the hands of those mentioned above; and to quit letting the SPM run our lives.

When we get rid of all this crap (old ideas) and sit still, we are given those moments of clarity and insight that are called spiritual experiences. There are dozens, sometimes hundreds, of them every day for me. I love this stuff! I love this process.

I can listen to my heart, and it seldom does the popular thing, or the thing that others want from me. It tells me the thing that belongs to Kelly, the truth of my path. Not yours or anyone else’s. Mine. And it is an honest heart. I did not always listen, and it broke me into pieces.

Way more than others, the heart I broke the most  was mine. I lived inauthentically. And today I love the shit out of my gigantic heart. It has scars everywhere and bumps and breaks and cracks and seams, but it is the only truth there is, for me.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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