HOPE MONTH: DAY 21: “At what point do you give up – decide enough is enough? There is only one answer really. Never.” ― Tabitha Suzuma
We may feel hopeless and believe that to be the truth, but there is little evidence that we have completely lost all hope. Even those who commit suicide believe there is something that is going on. That belief is called hope. We may not believe it, but that is not because it does not exist.
It is our failure to recognize our beliefs that keeps us locked into the ISM of addiction and alcoholism. I love ISM, it describes the thinking that so many refuse to let go of or even question.
If we don’t believe our THINKING is the problem, then we won’t do these steps with any kind of consistency, nor will we be able to question what we believe is going on. I recently had someone tell me that the “love of their life” was someone who never got off drugs and alcohol and their relationship took place while they were both loaded. I cannot fathom how that is possible.
I had my share of “loves” when I was loaded, but I was completely emotionally shutdown and unavailable. I did not comprehend what love was, nor could I. But I guess we get to believe what we want. It doesn’t make sense to me. I have been willing to do this work over all these years and open all the boxes. In doing so, I have also looked at and questioned ALL my thinking. I am so full of shit and have been for so long.
It removes the defensiveness I have always carried around. You might call it touchy. I know there are a lot of people I do not consider recovering because they are so damned touchy. If we cannot allow our ideas to be questioned, then we are not available to recover.
There is no point when we are done with this. There is no resting spot where we sit and let the rest of the world be judged by us. We are looking into mirrors all the time. Somebody drive you crazy? Own it, they are showing you who you are. The more it happens, the more you get to look at it and own it. I get to do this A LOT with clients and sponsees. They show me stuff all day long.
Ugh! Never done. Never gonna give up hope that I can walk to the other side of this horrible thinking that I am immune from shit, just because I stopped drinking and using.