January 23

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 23: “All children should be taught to unconditionally accept, approve, admire, appreciate, forgive, trust, and ultimately, love their own person.” ― Asa Don Brown

This is the challenge for us. We are taught to be other than we are by the culture we grow up inside of. We are programmed to be and do those things that please, first, our family, then the school system; and then our friends and cohort, and then, ultimately, the people we attach to in marriage, career, etc.

It is a never-ending process of identifying with others in order to “belong.” This never becomes possible, but we attach ourselves to ideas and ways of thinking that belong to others so we can be attached to them.

This kind of identification and belonging creates lost souls. None of us can identify ourselves with others. We are somewhat unique in what we are here to do. Look at how many families break apart when their identification is challenged. When children leave, their co-parenting is gone. They cannot navigate the growing together in long term conditions that life creates.

Relationships based on the similar ideas and ideals will disintegrate over time, because we are all here to grow and develop broader spectrums of understanding and viewing the world. Recovery is all about a new perspective on life. Our old ones do not work. All twelve steps are processes of unlearning old ways of thinking in order to learn new ways of thinking. That will allow us to shift into new ways of being.

There is nothing drastic or terrible in life, except for what we believe about it.

Since the beginning of creation, there have been situations that called for each of us to adapt to a shifting paradigm. Those who cannot become angry, bitter and overcome by the situation. The ability to be resilient in the face of life is what we are here to learn. Of course it is going to shift. That is the point of all of it.

The only created piece of this thing that has NEVER changed is the fact that it is ALL changing, ALL the time. Everything you cling to will eventually break you down. All change must be accepted and navigated for the optimum life experience. Our bodies, all organic matter, and all creation is shifting and decaying and moving into a new paradigm, every second of every day. This IS quantum physics. Destruction is the norm, decay is the norm. Then there is the paradigm of what comes from that norm. The paradigm of birth and rebirth and flow.

When we stand in the middle of that change and demand that any piece of it return to the paradigm we are most comfortable with, we are doomed to get mowed over by the energy and flow of the Universe, which cannot and will not revert to a previous paradigm.

We must accept and adapt. We may not like it, but there is nowhere else to go. The fight is too terrible to take on. And I have never seen anyone win that, only become more broken by their anger and resentment and bitterness. It is not what we are here to do. And love means that we open ourselves to exactly who and what we truly are…not some idea we have of how it all “should” be. The most abusive word in the English language is “should.”

Even when it is included in the quote above. I agree with most of the quote, except that it “should” be limited to accepting and all the rest only ourselves. It “should” be that we are taught to do that with ALL of life. I believe life will give us what we need to learn the lesson. It is up to us to “get it.”

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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