November 15

GRATITUDE MONTH: DAY 15: “Everyone has hardship. Everyone has struggle. No one is immune. You can live this life focusing on your hardship and struggle. Or, you can choose to make the most of each and every moment you are gifted with.” ― Akiroq Brost

Okay. I spent some time sitting this morning with a sense of this being my last day. I often say to myself “It is a good day to die.” This is what my husband and I did nearly every day. We would meditate on this phrase and it tends to inform my life in wonderful ways.

Today I truly felt the inevitability of death and the incredible things we do that are truly meaningless in the face of dying. Most of us are getting a strong sense of that with our recent brush with fires…again. I especially was struck by this when watching the enormity of the homes in Malibu that had burned. Incredible how much money and time went into the accumulation of “stuff” that is here today and gone tomorrow.

And how much value we place on these items in a single lifetime. Some of us are willing to fight to the death for the accumulation of these things. It is a great exercise for me to value moments more than years and moments more than stuff. I was feeling kind of down this morning after sitting with this.

There is a loneliness that we seldom are willing to sit with. It was heavy with me after (finally) getting together with my husband and then losing him.

Today it is with me still when I make an attempt to connect myself with something and somehow still find myself believing in the fallacy that it will change how I am in the world. I am seeing this. There is very little value in what I DO each day, but much greater value in how I do it.

That is always the lesson, isn’t it? How mindful are my exchanges with others? How present am I to myself, let alone the others with whom I am exchanging vital energy? This is an ongoing lesson to be present to the moments, the tiny micromovements of life; because, in the end, this is where the true test of the value of my life will lie. Oh!

I see the value in these things. I just forget sometimes and get caught up in “doing” rather than “being.” And then the thought that my inevitable demise will be kind of disappointing is funny, but not amusing, if you know what I mean. We all want to think we have a much larger impact on the world than we do. That, I believe, is a big part of the human ego we are all blessed with.

So, I work to focus on what I can give, rather than what I can get. To BE rather than to DO. And so on…we all know this mantra. I am alive and breathing, so there must be something I am here to achieve in the world around me today. I will focus myself on finding a sense of love and service that is not with me at this particular moment. See ya!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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