July 30

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 30: “Sometimes look at life thinking… the easy way is always the wrong way and the hard way is always the right way. But yet still that doesn’t include the being patient and understanding way.” ― Jonathan Burkett

This quote is an odd one, but I like the contrast of easy and hard vs wrong and right. Not that I believe in those dynamics very often, but there is some validity to the statement.

I guess this is most true in relationships with others. That is where I believe we practice most of our defects of character/shortcomings.

We learn this stuff in early childhood and very seldom go back to question their validity or usefulness as we go on in life. Most of us are not going to understand or see the inappropriateness of responses to others that we develop at ages 2-6. However, the rest of the world can see it.

We also follow a set of rules that we make up at that age about the world around us. We are completely unconscious about these rules, but we adhere to them and try to force others to do the same.

When we discover our “rules”, it is very important that we examine their usefulness and purposes in our lives at this time and age. Seldom do they really work, even for us. These “rules” are those things that we stand by, even when others might question why we believe what we do.

I used to find myself saying that “everybody knows” this or that thing…but it was really something I had made up to explain those crazy situations that existed in my early years before I understood that the people around me were totally and absolutely insane.

Once I accept my addiction(s) and those of others, I am able to see the insanity of the life I was raised in and what I believed about so many things. But I still have to learn to see what my “rules” are, or I am going to continue to be dysfunctional and insist that everyone else is wrong.

This is where I have always bumped into trouble in relationships with others. It will stay that way until I begin to examine, shift and let go of old ideas and the stupid “rules” that only made sense when I was 3 or 4 years old. We are blessed, because we have these steps to do this; the rest of the world just bungles on….happy to be a member of any program where these 12 amazing steps are going on…

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

1 Comment

One thought on “July 30”

  1. I just started working the steps after a year of telling myself that I didn’t need to. Can you believe how crazy that is?! Gratefully, I learned that it was a character defect preventing me from doing something that meant I needed serious help. My pride kept getting in my way and I’m sure there was some fear in there too. But I’m at a place now where I want to get real and grow into a person that’s more than just an addict. Thank God I also found the most amazing sponsor to guide me through this never-ending process of recovery! All my love and support! ❤️❤️❤️

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