May 25

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 25: “There are things we don’t do. From this moment forth, let us all ensure our every action reflects well on us and our ancestors. Let us live to the highest standards, lest we win this war only to find ourselves staring in the mirror at the face of our late enemy.” ― Jack Campbell

We are the only ones we have to live inside. We are the ones who know whether or not we are being honest with ourselves, those around us, and the world. And we are the ones who know when our feet are on the wrong step; when we are faltering from the honorable path.

Most of us will falter. Some of us will listen to the voice of fear and use others to keep us safe or to meet what we believe our needs are. And to stick around here with any modicum of spiritual connection, we must learn to jump off cliffs and do life the way it comes to us.

We don’t have to like it, we just have to learn to do it, without compromising what we know to be right. I have an incredible gift for lying to myself. It is the voice of what I call the Screaming Purple Monkeys (SPM) of denial, justification, excuses, and insanity. If I am truly restored after Step 2 and turning it all over to the care of a Higher Power in Step 3, I am then able to see more truth about who I have been and where I have been astray in my actions and behaviors.

This process, for me, is one I complete many, many times. And then I have to sit with someone who can see my attitudes and the problems I am creating in my life and tell me the truth. Then, as I re-align my life to more closely follow that path I carry in my heart, never my head, I am able to walk in Integrity and Honor. This feels great!

Then something in life will challenge my steps, and I may try to sidestep or jump over or go around it. I am well-versed in avoiding life. Not so much with accepting life. Ugh! This is the difference between old and new ideas, recovery or insanity.

My mental illness is centered in my ego. That over-inflated sense of entitlement and certainty that I am not supposed to ever suffer…ever! That is for other mere mortals. My sense of this is HUGE! And I get to examine it every single day and see the lies that SPM has in store for me. A never-ending supply! My life is subject to being de-railed by this damn SPM at any moment, if I let the fear rule my mind. OR…I can set intentions to heal and allow new ideas to come from those moments of quiet contemplation and meditation I give myself when I am centered and working this thing.

Then, I can look deeply into the eyes of the SPM I see in the mirror and say, “not this time…you little monkey…”

(this blog dedicated to my lovely father…who died on this day in 1979…the monkeys got him…thanks for that lesson daddy…)

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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