May 19

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 19: “Whatever is rightly done, however humble, is noble.” ― Henry Royce

My life is very small. I am happy about this. Every once in a while, I get a moment of something that fills me with joy. That I touched someone in the course of my work or my service. That I did or said something that mattered. This is a great thing to know.

But, because I have that ego…giant monster that it is, I need to remind myself that I am small and that my life is very small. I watch how we become big fish in small ponds. We can surround ourselves with those that need us, care about us, or to whom we are held emotional hostage, so that we never need to feel alone. These relationships are not feeding our spiritual path, but we are so terrified of being alone that we do this without being aware of what we do.

I want to remain small. I have never been afraid of being alone. Something in my early life prepared me to be okay with that. It is far worse to remain in toxic relationships that do not feed my spirit than to be alone with me and that Power. I do not fear this, never have.

So I am aware of the smallness of my life and the true value of those who are real and authentic friends. I have them. I love them. They are dear to me. But that is all transitory too.

We are not here, in my experience to have relationships that are “forever and ever.” Even long term, there is work that must be done.

Whatever I do, I want it to be small. I want it to be quiet and peaceful and filled with the greatest love with which I am able to imbue my spirit and my heart. I want to give freely without strings, without needing something in return. This is the goal. I get better every day. I am not there yet. Oh! Far from it. But I am getting closer all the time.

And I want it to be true and honest and integral. And I get better at those things all the time. There is very little that is false or forced in my life today. My joy is real, my pain is real, my love is as real as I know how to experience it. This is all a process that gets better every day. What a great gift to know that I am little, that my life is very little, and that there is only a little I am here to do. May I do it well and with the largest heart I am capable of having. Peace!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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