May 11

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 11: “Honesty and integrity are absolutely essential for success in life – all areas of life. The really good news is that anyone can develop both honesty and integrity.” ― Zig Ziglar

This last few months have brought some interesting things to my plate; for me to sit with. And some time sitting still with what I need to see. As I move into the solution part of them, I am able to see where I can let go of more old ideas and work with what was to find a new basis for what is to come. One of the quotes on my famous mat on top of my desk is: “There are better things ahead than any we leave behind.” – C.S. Lewis

Yes. I want to be integral and honest in closing doors that I opened during times when I was in transition from one thing into another. Now that transition seems to be taking me to where I longed to be for a long time.

Although I am a very happy person with what IS in my life; that is 100% due to the work I have done in these many years. The constant striving to let go of old and welcome new energies.

It all shifts in a day or within a few hours. This I know, because it has been my experience again and again. And I am happy with that. But it takes many years of practice for me to be ready for that seemingly sudden shift.

I love this quote by ZZ because it speaks of the kinds of change that I believe Step 5 is all about. It is all about learning from my inventory that I am the one who is the problem in those broken and shattered relationships with others. While I want to look at their behaviors and attitudes, it is mine that cripple me as I step out into new ones.

If I take the same Kelly into new encounters, they begin to feel like the old ones. Ugh! Why? Because of the LONG periods of time that the true shifts take. I may stop stealing from you today. But the thinking and the anxiety and fear around WHY I stole from you is still there. That takes so long! So, this is going to be, as I said a few days ago, at least an entire lifetime of work to get anywhere.

Someone told me they were happy I said (wrote) that this week. Why? We really want to believe we are getting well and changing. We are. What we don’t know, because we are ruled by ego for so very long, is that we have changed our minds about what doesn’t work, but we have not yet changed our thinking about why it existed in the first place.

CAUSES AND CONDITIONS is the phrase my book tells me are the source material I am digging up here. And that does NOT mean I am broken because of what happened when I was two or three years old. What it means is the WAY I THINK AND BELIEVE because of what happened when I was two or three years old. This takes a long time to make the distinction and get to the REAL root of my problems with you and you and you and ME and Universal Power and all of it.

So, I am happy to report that the shifts are happening. I am really seeing the hand of that Power in my life today and will continue to live out loud here, so others may see it to. We go on and on, learning and growing and stretching and grasping and developing. I love that! And we DO develop honesty and integrity.