April 28

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 28: “A yogi is much more disciplined in his speech. Yogic tradition has it that speech must pass before three barriers prior to being uttered aloud. These barriers come in the form of three questions: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” ― Prem Prakash

I am challenged so much by this one. I want to be the person who never speaks out of turn, and I have the uncanny knack of talking all the time, about things that do not matter, things that I often wish I could “unsay” and things that I regret for long periods of time.

Many of these traits are directly resulting from a lot of personal trauma. I can recognize the symptoms and become more aware every day. But have not yet conquered this tendency to “overshare” and “over talk.”

Of course, I will tell you straight up that the first offensive part of this, for me, is the word “discipline.” Even though I know there is a tremendous difference between discipline and punishment, the words are so entangled in my mind that there is a strong reaction to the words that I feel the minute I read or hear them. Ugh!

So, I strive for this discipline. All my yoga path is a discipline. There are 10 Yamas and Niyamas, and the entirety of the 8-branch tree of yoga to work toward. Only 1 branch has anything to do with physical movement. The saddest thing I know is what has happened to the beautiful practice of yoga in the Western world.

So, in honesty, I strive for this discipline. I strive for the ability to be mindful and present to what I say, when I say it, and how it is said. I truly believe that I am led to those things that are going to become my greatest tools for healing. While the physical (asanas) of yoga helped me heal a broken and battered body; the spiritual practices are healing my broken spirit and heart.

Finding a spiritual path is the goal of these steps. Every inventory has shown me the things that need to be healed in me. Every inventory has let me know that there is more work to do, always more work to do. And that the doing of this work is the only thing that truly matters in my life.

I can only serve to the extent that my personal healing is accomplished. While we all run around and work to resolve broken and damaged relationships in the world, those are only words. One of my favorite quotes from early recovery is “Never mistake motion for action.” (E. Hemingway). It is imperative that I take radical actions, not just running around to feel like I am busy doing things that need to be done.

My experience is that only in sitting still a great deal am I able to internalize and shift those things that come up on these inventories. Until I do that, I am spinning wheels. The quality of the time I spend in service is greater when the ego of how I do this is removed.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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