March 12

FAITH MONTH: DAY 12: “If merely ‘feeling good’ could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience.” ― William James

Yes! I am so happy that right now, I know how deeply unsatisfying drugs and alcohol truly were for me. I believe, in my deepest heart-space, that I always knew the truth. I was settling for Okay when I really wanted to be happy and content.

I absolutely settled for those things, because they were the best I had known to that point. This stuff here is so much better, so incredibly superior, that I have never wanted to go back.

That sounds radical, but my heart always knew I was settling. I just didn’t know how to get what I get now.

This quote brings me to that information. I thought it was okay just to feel good, but it never was. I did not examine that fully until a couple of minutes ago when I began writing about this quote. Interesting, to me, how that works. I pick a quote and start writing what it brings up in my gut.

Until this point, I had not given voice to the idea that I settled for feeling good for so much of my life. Now I get to be happy, genuinely happy. Sometimes that scares me. I was always warned about my high energy and enthusiasm, told to keep it down to a low boil.

I do not know why. I think my family was superstitious about happiness. Like it could not be allowed in case someone tried to steal it from you. I don’t know. I do know that, although I was a sad little girl in so many ways, I was always quite exuberant when I got to be ME.

Now I live in that state almost all the time. It does mess with people. They doubt my sincerity or that I have a firm grasp on the state of the world. Do they really like me better when I am sad or upset? I don’t know.

This has puzzled me for a long time. Anyway, I am grateful for this quote today because I got to re-examine what I get with my faith. I get to be happy, truly happy, for the simple reason that I am. No matter what is going on, I am having a hell of a good time. I hope you are too. If not, perhaps you are looking at the wrong things.