FAITH MONTH: DAY 10: “What is belief – what is faith – if you don’t continue it after failure?” ― Brandon Sanderson
We who are in recovery know a great deal about failure. We failed in relationships, in life, in work, in our careers, across the board.
Any remaining shreds of these connections were damaged, often beyond repair, by our active addiction and insane beliefs. I know only a few people who had faith that sustained them. I don’t believe I did.
I was angry at the concept of God. Angry at the concept of Faith. I did not have a deeper understanding of this concept until I began to work these steps.
And, to be very honest, this one, Step 3, was the one I was most resistant to. I believed that I had turned my life and will over to the care of some kind of God when I was a little kid. It took me a long time to know that I had actually turned my life and my will over to the care of those parents who were so ill-equipped for the job.
Today I can see the perfection in all of this path. I can see that there was a pattern and a purpose. As a child, we cannot see these things. I can also see that although I was angry, my anger itself speaks to my inherent belief.
What I did NOT have faith in was people. What I did NOT have faith in were the religious bodies I had tried and found incredibly wanting in sincerity or depth of conviction.
I found that the people and the dogma of 12-step programs is what I was looking for all along. They were created to give me a framework for building and rebuilding those things that my addiction had destroyed. It was NOT about maintaining mere abstinence from drugs and alcohol. It was like a repair kit for a flat tire.
I learned how to repair relationships, life, work, career, across the board. All the things I had smashed and broken were repairable. And I got to shift my thinking in every area.
Not one of the events of my life is about ME. It is about the presence of Grace and Beauty and Life and Love and redeemable people.
Not everyone is going to do this with the fervor that I do. That is their journey. But I am on a path that is creating so much joy and happiness for my heart that I cannot be grateful enough. How I get to manifest that gratitude is another part of continuing this recovery. I just cannot get enough. I am completely addicted to it all!
I have failed in so many aspects around here. Big failures, if you judge them by the social standards we all recognize. I am not rich or pretty or famous or successful. But, my faith is unshakeable, and I succeed in the aspects of the heart where I choose to focus my attention and time. In there, I am unstoppable and SO happy, joyous and free.