February 5

HOPE MONTH: DAY 5: “It is our wounds that create in us a desire to reach for miracles. The fulfillment of such miracles depends on whether we let our wounds pull us down or lift us up towards our dreams.” ― Jocelyn Soriano

This means, for me, I am either full of self or full of Power greater than me. When I am full of self, I have a lot of self-pity, victim mentality and story, and no hope. Why don’t I have hope? Because victims are victims. They have no say or part in the problem, so do nothing about it and wait for others to change. They con, lie, manipulate and blame everyone else for their problems. There is no hope in this mentality. It is all an ego construct.

When I am full of the Power that sustains and grants me this amazing state of Grace, I can heal and help others to heal and walk into, through and live with miracles all around me. This is what I have learned in this process. The story is mine to choose.

Step 2 invites me into the belief that possibility exists. That maybe, just maybe, miracles are possible for me, because yours are for you. I got that instantly when I got here. That I could begin to make sane, wiser choices for myself and let the Power begin to do its work. The miracle isn’t that I have not had a drug or drink in all these years. The miracle is that I allowed the miracle every moment, because of the story I got here with.

How arrogant are we, when in the process of receiving Grace from the Power of the Universe, to believe ourselves unworthy or too f—d up to remain here? That kind of judgment is insane and the epitome of self-centered arrogance, if you ask me. I hear people say that all the time. I think Step 2 is a process.

At first, we just “Come.” Then, no matter what vehicle brought us to this place, we are HERE. That is the first miracle, although we don’t know it yet.

Then, we “Come to.” We are gaining some clarity once we have been here for a bit and the substances wear off.

Then we “Come to Believe.” This part may take some time. Some of us can only “Come to Hope.” I did not get to the believing part for quite a while. I had hope though, big hope. And I could not imagine what “sanity” would feel like. I don’t always think sanely, but I behave with full understanding of who and what is responsible for Kelly today. That is called Accountability and looks a great deal like sanity to those who don’t get to know what goes on in my brain. I will always be grateful for the friend who told me that it didn’t mean I would think crazy shit anymore; but that I didn’t have to do crazy shit anymore. What a great relief this all is…I love hope!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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