ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 20: “Now that she had actually seen and accepted reality, reality brought such a healing calm.” ― Gloria Naylor
This quote is a bit awkward in its phrasing, but I like the feeling of it. I remember the first time I said I was an alcoholic in a meeting. I had a sense of “Oh shit! The cat is out of the bag.” I knew the cat would never go back into the bag quite the same way again.
The funny thing is this: I knew I was a cocaine addict. I did not believe I was an alcoholic at all. Maybe…but the facility I was in was only licensed to treat alcoholics, so I had to say that to be in compliance with the facility. I did not truly believe it for almost 2 years, and would have that battle with myself.
BUT, the truth is that I knew as soon as I said it, that I was screwed. Really, really screwed. Like the cucumber, pickle thing, I could never go back to denial in quite the same way. “To my innermost self,” I knew. So, I had accepted that. Step 1 was complete, or so I believed.
Since that time, a lot of reality or truth has come to me. And, with each piece of truth I must accept, I get that same sense of calm. The battle is on for a while, but I eventually get to the calm of surrender. I usually have a story around it all, but I am willing, thank God, for the story to be reframed and told in another voice.
And I always have a big sigh of relief, because the truth DOES set me free. The truth DOES give me wings to soar. Nothing else is like that. I don’t like to use the word “reality,” because that is a tricky term. But the truth is what I want to live my life with. And my version of the truth is often skewed. I must check it from all angles and all perspectives before I will allow it to become part of my belief system.
Another thing that is funny here, is that I KNOW the truth when I hear it or it finds me. My heart always says, “Yeah, that is right.”
So, that is the calm that I get. How about you? Does acceptance come to bring peace to the Screaming Purple Monkeys that dance on your shoulders and scream in your mind and throw their shit at you?
Dolphin Hug 