January 17

ACCEPTANCE MONTH: DAY 17: “Expectation has brought me disappointment. Disappointment has brought me wisdom. Acceptance, gratitude and appreciation have brought me joy and fulfilment.” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru leigh Mercree

I was meditating this morning, and my thoughts came to acceptance. I queried what the opposite of acceptance is, and I got disappointment. So, this quote literally spoke to me this morning. I love it when that happens.

I am not the author of most of these writings. They bring me along, as my fingers type what I am open to say. What often occurs is that I am surprised by what appears. I do not know, when I begin, what will come.

Some days, I force myself to sit down. There is great resistance in writing, and I must allow it to come. I want to be consistent and integral with doing this. It matters to me, because I am finding my voice and myself in doing this.

I want to embody these principles, and will never be fully able to do that. But, I find that the discussion of them is a good place to start. Even when that discussion is here, with you. I get my highest self to come to this place, most of the time.

On some days, I can tell when I am not centered, because I resist, not only the writing, but the process of allowing myself to open. I can tell when I read back through these what was going on. Before I did this, I did a lot of writing of stories, short and long. Since I was about 7 or 8 years old, writing has been my way of voicing Kelly.

There have been some heartbreaking times for many people I know in these last few months. There have been tragic hurricanes and storms on the East Coast, along with the fire here where I live and the subsequent events that have taken place.

What I want to find is the connection between being heartbroken and why that is what we need today. I see it very differently than many folks. I can see that when we are broken in our heart centers, we are open to love and feel things we don’t take time to sit with in our culture.

I learned about this when my husband was dying. I was able to sit with him, his pain, his incredible bravery and courage, his dying process and be his witness. I will never be the same person I was on the day he was diagnosed. I can see how this process altered my ability to sit in this moment and breathe into my uncertainty and fear. And I found that this incredible gift was something I could continue to practice. That I would forever understand the value of being in a moment with another human being. I became a much better person and a better friend, lover and therapist during that time.

I learned how to walk through the world after his death without letting my heart be covered over again. I could remain open and broken and allow the world to come into my heart in new ways. I see the beauty and the purpose behind those events that break us down and shake us up and inform us about who we truly are and what is really important in life.

Loss of life teaches us to treasure each other more completely and stop focusing on anything that is not as valuable. Loss of property and “things” teaches us to do the same. If we have put all of our lives and energy into stuff, we are going to suffer, because it can and will often be removed.

If we value our lives based on our work, our education, our appearance, or something that is not in the center of our hearts, we are going to be disappointed. This is the lesson, again and again and again. We will get here by whatever means we most need. The Universe is full of wonderful and surprising ways to teach what we need to know. Our best course is to transform disappointment into acceptance. It keeps our hearts open instead of hardened. We are available to love this thing called life.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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