December 17

LOVE MONTH: DAY 17: “Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.” — Khalil Gibran

Oh, this quote used to bring up images of such longing for love when I was a teen. I read this man’s books and swooned, as only teenage girls can. My love life in those days was so far removed from the romantic vision this created.

Today I see the setup I created for myself. I believed (for Oh! so many years!) that romance would be like this. The day-to-dayness of that kind of love was nothing like my ideals. Of course, we all grew up with those movies and television shows that showed us what it would be like. What a letdown, huh? No wonder we have pages of resentments when we come into this thing. NOONE can live up to that!

But, the fulfillment of love is not about romance or the kind of partnership I dreamed of when I was young and needed a dream to sustain me past the hell that was my teens and early twenties. Thank God for the romantic notions I held onto.

I woke this morning, not quite at dawn, but shortly after, with a winged heart; and gave thanks for another day of loving. Amazing! I don’t have an object or particular person here with me that I will focus that on. Much to the dismay of my teenage self, it is not about the perfect romantic partner or even that kind of love at all!

It is the fulfillment of love. I love my crazy damn cats, all six of the little monsters! They know I love them, because I just put new soil in my garden beds and they thought it was like fresh kitty litter! Ugh! And there is a layer of wire over every bed. Can’t stop a damn cat! But I feed them and love them unconditionally, because that is pure cat behavior.

And I deeply love my gardens. Enough to give them new soil and clean out the cat poop. Okay. They bring me food and beautiful flowers and I am blessed to have them when the fire stuff gets me down. And I love, love, love my little bitty home. It is cozy and warm and left standing when all around me fire destroyed so much. I have not left and evacuated like so many other people, because there is no real threat to my life and nowhere I want to be but in my home. It has sustained and held me close in all that has transpired in the last 4 years of my life. A tough and equally wonderful time of transition and learning and growth that only happens at this time in my recovery.

And I am in BIG love with recovery and how it unfolds. I was reading something this morning about letting go and what that feels like and what it looks like. I first read the book I am checking back in to when I was about 4-5 years into this deal. It was a game changer for me then. Today, it seems very simplistic and basic. How far we come in this thing! I am so happy to see that the impact of this book shaped and changed my early years and today seems kind of like a spiritual Dick and Jane thing to me.

Blessings! And I love my life. All of it! There were so many miracles just yesterday that I had a hard time writing them all down this morning! The list is endless, so I have to limit myself to just 30-32. (Do I need to tell any of you that I LOVE Gratitude?) Didn’t think so.

And I love writing and crocheting and sewing and cooking. And Tom Yum soup when I don’t feel good. And that one of my dearest friends in this amazing place where I live is the owner of a restaurant that makes the BEST Tom Yum soup in the world? And her beautiful face when I come in to see her? That was not possible when I got here. NO ONE ever looked like that when I walked in the door!

And I love so many people…with no conditions…which is what it means to really love. This thing just goes on and on. And I can see that the only desire of love is to fulfill itself. The more I give, the more I have. The more I have, the more I give. It just goes on and on…what a tremendous life this is!

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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