December 10

LOVE MONTH: DAY 10: “When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

There is a great deal of hope in this passage for me. I read it when I was newly into this recovery thing, and felt great uplifting of my heart.
I did not feel like a loving person. I did not feel like a kind or good person. I felt like a piece of crap and had been living like that.

So, to come to this place is the journey of a lifetime, and it has taken nearly all of mine. It took me many years to get as sick and awful as I was when I came in, and it has taken many years to let go of those old ideas and begin to live into a new dynamic.

The theory so many of us live with, which is created in our fear-based EGO, is that we have to take what we want and run, because there is not enough. Good guys finish last. That mentality is what we lived with. Today, we can see that the journey to love is a good road. The “red road” as the Native Americans called it. The path with honor and heart.

I get to deal with a bully in my life from time to time. There is one now who challenges me to fight all the time. I am familiar with fighting. I have done that for most of my life. I have nothing and no one to fight any longer. I remain passive in the face of that battle. There is nothing to “win.”

It would be lovely if he were to stop fighting. I have offered to broker peace and work through differences, but that is not meant to be. I am okay with that. I have done what the book tells me to do; “…cease fighting everyone and everything.” He believes he has a righteous battle and I understand that. I am not in agreement. It is all about acceptance.

I can love from a distance. And I will never be the person who loves another more than I love myself. That is not love.

And, I have eternal hope that what Mr. Gandhi says is true. I believed it then and I believe it now. I have seen love turn it’s back on the fight and walk away. There is no more fight when that happens.

I am here to live in peace. That is why I came to this thing. And that is why I remain. I have found peace and love. It lives in me. The only thing that can take it away is my insistence on being part of the fight. And when I walk in love, I am walking in Step 12. There is no other way to be of service. Service done in any other way is not service, it is a hostage situation.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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