December 4

LOVE MONTH: DAY 4: “Sometimes it’s a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.” ~ David Byrne

I recently had the experience of someone telling me that they “loved” me, but could not be my friend because there are too many differences between us. I found this to be at odds with my beliefs about “love.”

Too many conditions for me to adhere to, I suspect. I do not conform to any conditions placed on me by anyone. I get to do what I want in the world, with respect to those things I am going to pay the prices for. I was taught this by a very wise man in the early years of my recovery.

I so enjoy getting to know others, especially those with whom I believe I have nothing in common. I have not been able to maintain that belief, because our basic humanity and need for basic human things is always a common denominator.

I can say, however, that I really enjoy playing the game of 100 questions that I devised many years ago to play with a new person with whom I am not familiar. It is free of those judgments and conditions I have mentioned above.

And my interest in others is felt by them. They feel my interest and respond. People have told me the greatest things over the years. I have learned immense lessons from them and hope to never stop that process.

I am truly in love with getting to know people. Many of the people with whom I actively interact currently were unknown to me a year or two ago. I meet new friends every day. I love that! And I add them to the friends I have had for many years.

So, I see that this person, mentioned above, is letting me know that there is a space in my life for a new friend, one with whom I can interact without judgment. That is really what love is all about.

I expect to have several conversations with others I have not yet met today. I know it will be interesting and fun. And I will not waste a single moment of this day wondering what is going on with that one who is not interested in me and my life.

And I can “love” him from afar. That is the greatest gift we get in this process. Unconditional and judgment free love; I give it to myself, so I can give it to others. That is all.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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