DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 30: “When an individual is motivated by great and powerful convictions of truth, then he disciplines himself, not because of the demands of the church, but because of the knowledge within his heart” ― Gordon B. Hinckley
A lot of us in early recovery are confused by the dichotomy of “spiritual vs. religious.” We can go through all 12 steps, even more than once, before we begin to have a deep and significant spiritual realization of what is happening for us.
This is not uncommon. We are complex folks with gigantic ego-based systems of survival and defenses that protect us from life and those we deem “dangerous,” which is pretty much the world around us. As we get to this step, we are made vulnerable to some of those people and ideas, because we have to whittle away at our defenses and old ideas to embrace a humbler approach to life.
This can be terrifying for those of us who have put up great walls around our hearts and minds and have shied away from open and honest communication with others. Let alone the prospect of those old religious indoctrinations we may have had.
I had the “fear of God” put into my head and heart for most of my childhood and early teens. Then I rebelled against all of that and stayed away from all teachings for a long time. My search for spiritual connection came through drugs and what was called “mysticism or Eastern mysticism” in the 1960s. I was drawn to those teachings, because they taught me more about love and acceptance and being a frail human. I was not expected to “reform.”
When I got here, I HATED the word “God” that I saw in all the steps. I was convinced I was going to be baptized (again!) and prayed over and there would be an exorcism, etc. None of that happened. As I got through the first 8 steps, I began to change my attitudes about who I was and who was truly a Power Greater than Myself. This was wonderful!
The foundational beliefs that I had approached in the 1960s began to take deeper root in my heart and I was able to finally come to terms with those things that allow me to become a living part of this Universe. The Power I have found since that time is not a religious creature at all. I seldom use the word God, because there is no religious dogma involved in my spiritual connection with that Power.
And it happens that my humanity is such that I laugh, every day, sometimes a dozen times each day, at myself and my disease and those damned Screaming Purple Monkeys! Some of you have seen the toy one I got recently, and it is hilarious!
So, today, I AM motivated by great and powerful convictions of truth to do these steps, again and again and again. I am not at all prompted by any church or set of principles other than these steps and the amazing life I have been given here. I love it more each day and it feeds my motivation, which also grows stronger each day. A truly self-fulfilling and inspirational process. It just keeps getting better and better and better. All I want is MORE! Woohoo!
Dolphin Hug 