June 6

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 6: “The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one’s reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the development of humility, objectivity and reason.” – Erich Fromm

This quote is lovely when I realize who the man is that wrote it. He is a hero for me. And his writings are always inspiring because of what his life was all about.

Reason tells me that I am not making decisions based on self; a great line from the BB. We cannot use reason when we are selfish and self-centered about life. That is why Step 3 is so hard for us! We are too self-centered to let anything or anyone into our lives. I really laugh at the relationships we get into in those early days. More like dueling than love. Because we cannot allow others in until we put ourselves second or third in line. That isn’t possible for quite some time.

The people we are already in relationship with when we get here are used to our asinine and selfish behavior and attitudes. They have a whole different idea of who we are.

Our immaturity is what keeps us from humility. We cannot grow up until we make some sort of peace with these ideas and these steps. I love this quote because it addresses all these issues in recovery. We get humble when we get to realize how our character defects interfere with healthy human relationships in Step 4. Then we talk about them with another person, who gives us a higher perspective on that in Step 5.

Step 6 gives us the opportunity to reflect and ready ourselves for life without being so selfish and self-centered. I believe, as written in the 12×12 in Step 7, that our character defects have a common theme; which is self-centered fear. This is the work of the ego; whose only message is “It is all about me; and it isn’t good.”

So, humility gives us the sense that we are NOT all that. That there is more to life than us and our thinking. We can lose all of that stuff and gain humility. That opens us up to establish real, authentic interactions with other adults, instead of the immature and selfish ways we have tried to interact prior to this.

I want to live a balanced life, rid of the selfishness that causes me so much anguish and grief. I want to be available for real, authentic relationships with others and with myself, in order to be available for that relationship I seek with the Universal Power.

I want to be available for the kind of love that I did not know until I had been around here for some time. The kind that allows you to have breathing room in the relationship and for there to be space for all that is to come. These are the gifts of continuing this course into humility. Yay!