May 4

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 4: “The decent, strong person had to do decent, strong things like love unlovable people and keep peace even when it wasn’t easy.” ― Mary Connealy

I once set an intention to treat everyone well, no matter their way of walking into or out of my life. This gave the Universe a great challenge to find the most unloving and unlovable people and send them to my experience. Oh Joy!

I remember writing a job description for the Power to whom I would turn my will and my life over to. It was an enormous task. I described Santa Claus with a personal agenda to attend to only my needs and/or wants. Hahaha! But I remember meditating on that idea and realizing that the Power of MY understanding would be gracious and loving enough to sit with Mother Teresa and Adolph Hitler on each hand.

I needed the Power to be THAT kind of loving and gracious. How can I be any less? Thus, began my journey into NOT judging others. That is the nature of my practice. I want to be truly living in the image of the Power, the Creator, the Entity that created hummingbirds and dolphins. I have always wanted to be aligned with THAT…the Creator of hummingbirds and dolphins. That, to me, is the ultimate in love. Perhaps the Creator of dogs and puppy breath, too.

Anyway, it is all good and fine to believe that someone is worthy of my love, just because they are in my path. The harder part, for me, is to sit with non-judgment of them. I judge everything! It is my culture as well as in my natural state of thinking.

I have to work very diligently to not judge. It is a toss-up, some days, as to whom I am going to pick on the most, myself or YOU. Especially an unfamiliar YOU. If you present me with too many challenging differences, I may pick on YOU. Especially if you present me with a disdain for ME. Then we are ON!

This is a great challenge for me. I am better at keeping peace when it isn’t easy than I am with walking through the world without judgment. While you may never know it; it harms me more than anyone. I have lost my heart when I am sitting with judgment of anyone. Yes!! This DOES include political figures as well as all other people, past present and future.

The truth is, I do not know what is in the heart of another. Even if that person tells me what they think is in their heart, they often do not know either. That means that any of us may feel so fearful that we must behave in abhorrent ways because of what we believe. Oh! And, I certainly can relate to being THAT.

In my world of recovery, I know that I have been steeped in grace. Never for anything I did or believed or said, but pure Grace. This is the nature of all recovery.

One of my biggest challenges is the idea that I know what is right and good and fine for all of us. I can certainly say that most of us walk around with these ideas. However, I MUST let go of my knowing in order to be awoken to the spirit of love and learning. I must know nothing and be willing to be taught all that I need to know, which is far different today than yesterday, ad infinitum.

I am a strong woman, a very strong woman; but I really do not ever want to be a complete Knucklehead. And I have been, Grace has restored me to a space of possibility. Into that space, may the light of love enter and keep me from knowing anything today.