November 10

GRATITUDE MONTH: DAY 10: “I have been finding treasures in places I did not want to search. I have been hearing wisdom from tongues I did not want to listen. I have been finding beauty where I did not want to look. And I have learned so much from journeys I did not want to take. Forgive me, O Gracious One; for I have been closing my ears and eyes for too long. I have learned that miracles are only called miracles because they are often witnessed by only those who can see through all of life’s illusions. I am ready to see what really exists on the other side, what exists behind the blinds, and taste all the ugly fruit instead of all that looks right, plump and ripe.” ― Suzy Kassem

We do not know what will come from those things that challenge us. We are not aware while we are fighting life that life is giving us tremendous gifts, waiting for us to stop fighting and open the package more fully, breathe into the experience and embrace it for all that it is teaching us.

I cannot be grateful for a sunny day until I have sat with wind and rain and weather other than sunny. It does not occur to me to be grateful for good health until I have felt the feelings of bad health. If I never know a day of sadness or grief, I cannot imagine the grace of a day without them.

I have been broken, broke and strung out. Not all at once; but at various times in my life. I was more financially successful for most of my using career than I ever have been since recovery. That is not the point of my recovery. The point, as I see it, is to become Happy, Joyous and Free despite my financial outlook, despite my mood swings, despite whether HE or SHE is present in my life or at my side. It is to recognize that those things that I have no control or say over are the gifts.

As the saying goes in Step 10, I have learned to “match calamity with serenity.” Doesn’t that sound far-fetched? I always thought so. Until it began to happen. Now, real calamity is NOT the drama we create in our minds or that purple screaming monkeys tell us it is. But even when true calamity is with us and part of our day, we learn to match that with a sense of peace and that all is right with the world, even when we don’t understand why things are the way they are.

If we are to truly recover, we should not be a part of the drama anyway. It isn’t our business or what has been placed in front of us. Addicts like to attach themselves to things that are not theirs to deal with. It is astonishing that there are so many people who attach themselves to worldly events as if they were actually happening TO them. This is a disturbing thing that happens when we are being more self-centered than usual. We are seldom really part of the things with which we identify anyway.

So, when we focus on NOT monitoring others’ lives as if we had some say over them, when we focus on ONLY what is on our own plates and eating our own meal; there is much less drama in the world. I work with a lot of moms in my family work who do not know how to stay out of the lives of their children. They do not understand that their job is to raise these people to the onset of adulthood with values and ethics and boundaries that prepare them to leave the nest and set forth on their own journeys with the strings tying them together severed. That is a challenge for those whose “family” ideas include a lifetime of intervention and attachment to every aspect of the lives of those kids.

This is not healthy for anyone. Some of us come from that kind of family dynamic/dysfunction. Unhealthy attachment means that we never learn to stand on our own two feet and claim our attitudes, our behaviors, and our lives fully. That is why addicts focus on everything but their own stuff. It keeps us occupied to look at the world, the nation, the state, other people and anything else that will distract us from what WE are up to. Duh! It is great to be distracted…isn’t that why we do drugs in the first place?

So, focus on your life. Be grateful for all that is, no matter how you feel about it. Gratitude is NOT about only thanking the Universe for what you like. The Universe is NOT Santa! If you ask for a job and you get another bill, perhaps you need to learn about how you work with money.

Life is amazing and sweet and wonderful. Enjoy what is on your own plate! Quit comparing it to the plates of others and have your meal. Be grateful for the meal and let it nourish you. Eat only what you need, the world is dying of eating too much! How crazy is that? Get on with your life and clean up the messes YOU have made and stay out of things that do not belong to YOU. You will find a great deal more to be grateful about.