September 9

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 9: “Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything – anger, anxiety, or possessions – we cannot be free.” ― Thich Nhat Hanh

Walking away from those things we have done to harm others is curative. We are absolutely free of these people and those harms, and life becomes radiant! I love living a radiant life!

A few weeks ago, someone approached me with something they thought I had done that was harmful for them. I got the opportunity to sit with this information and process how I had been wrong and what I had done to cause them harm. It was about them believing that something I did was aimed at them! I do not participate in that kind of thing.

A man I met last summer told me his recipe for disarming this kind of situation. He looks at these people and sincerely tells them: “I sincerely regret that you believe I caused this feeling for you.” No apologies and no acceptance of their blame.

We have to walk away from senseless blame and shame here. As the BB refers to it, we do not bow before anyone. We clean up the messes we make and get on with life.

Many people get too stuck in looking for absolution and “forgiveness”. This will kill us. We may never receive good wishes from those we have harmed. That is not the point here. We just clean up our side of the street and get on with living and (hopefully) not do any more damage to them or others.

It is not the other person’s job to give us anything. That will come, down the road, when WE begin to feel and act in less damaging ways with others and to ourselves. I am here to recover, not run for prom queen. Some folks will never forget nor forgive me for the things I have done.

Nor is it ever going to be my job to forget and forgive others for things they have done to me. I will accept that this is what happened, but I am not capable of forgiving anything. In my book, that is the job of a Power greater than myself. I get to accept the person who has harmed me and move on with my life. They did what they did, and that is how it is.

The whole concept of forgiveness, for me, is so arrogant! How on earth can I be higher than you and look down on you and forgive you? It is not my job. My job is to accept life on life’s terms, or I am going to be a miserable drunk.

Life is messy and unpredictable and I can never know what is coming next. People are going to do many things; this is my journey and theirs. When we interact and intersect with someone else, it may be painful to one or both of us. I am here to learn how to create less pain in my interactions and intersections with others; and to take these events less personally if they do things that seem harmful to me and my “sensitive” nature. The truth is, I am not “sensitive” at all…I am totally and completely self-absorbed! And that is the problem.

So I do not believe that I am big enough to forgive you or you or you or you. I am human and must learn to accept that you are sometimes going to do things that I find uncomfortable or harmful to my feelings. And because we all tend to be self-centered, it may hurt my feelings or yours. We can learn from that and move on or move away.

Accepting ME, with all of my foibles and silly ideas and habits, is a big job. This is the only one that will give me freedom from these things. Then I learn to accept LIFE as it is and live it as happily as I can. My happiness is 100% contingent on my acceptance of everything. Then I can accept YOU as being the very best you that is available today. This is what I learn here, and freedom is what I get. I do not expect anything from you or life today…and I am never disappointed! Woohoo!