June 6

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 6: “The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one’s reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the development of humility, objectivity and reason.” – Erich Fromm

This speaks so well to the problems of an addict. The first one is lack of maturity, which makes us all as self-centered as is only appropriate in the early stages of development of children. When we are in our 30s, 40s, etc., it is completely inappropriate to still be in that stage of development and sitting in so much self. Developing the sense of “other” is what creates a balanced individual. We must know how to live with a deep sense of “other” in order to navigate life successfully. There is no reasoning with an addict, because they are completely unaware of a sense of other. To tell them that they are harming others is pointless, because their stage of emotional and mental development has been so retarded by their addiction; and they are unable to feel appropriately about others. And their way of loving others is completely dependent, like a child, on that person being devoted to their well-being. When we see these things about our lives, it is so important to begin to develop a sense of “other” in the world and to serve something other than our own ego-gratification. Addiction is all about ego gratification and the falseness we must practice and believe in to maintain the façade of functionality while completely self-destructing and taking down everything in our path. The first humble act for most of us in recovery is to have that moment of saying, “I AM an alcoholic/addict.” From there, we have become open to the idea that we are not omnipotent or infallible. Our humanity becomes real and our flaws and personality defects can now be addressed. When I watch those who do not embrace recovery in the 12 step tradition, I am saddened by the fact that they have no outline for working through those immature stages of development and embracing these things that we get to do and learn and be here. There is no other way to grow up and become objective, humble and reasonable. We do these things by working through our sense of entitlement and maturity, which is perfectly addressed in processing these steps. And love does not happen until we reach the end of the steps, because they are designed to send us into recognition of “other” by achieving a sense of duty and responsibility for those we will help and to learn to live life with a love for them and the Power that gives us this gift.