May 6

INTEGRITY MONTH: DAY 6: “I don’t want everyone to like me; I should think less of myself if some people did.” ― Henry James

There are people in every facet of life who are less than integral. I have been one of them. When I was very new, probably within my first 45 days, I heard a man take a chip at a meeting for 16 years and he said, “Recovery, for me, is following all the rules, even when no one is looking.” As with most of us, the things we hear in our first couple of months in this deal are the most impactful. I have never forgotten his statement. I am forever grateful, because this was the guideline I used for my own behavior for quite a long time here. It still is. I want to follow rules, even if I disagree with them. I am apt to break some of them, particularly traffic rules, because I love to drive fast. But I know what they are and I never would argue with anyone if caught. So it does not matter at all if someone else is violating rules. If they are truly placing safety risks for me or someone else, I may report it; but I never try to correct anyone else’s behavior…not my job. I am not the Integrity Police, Honesty Police, etc. I am okay today in telling someone if there is behavior going on that is dangerous or harmful for someone else. This includes reporting to my boss if there is something going on that is less than integral in my workplace. I am also a mandated reporter and have had to report instances where elderly persons and children are being placed in bad situations. I MUST leave the outcomes to the Universe, but I feel that I have done my part and let it go. This IS the right thing. I don’t know what is supposed to happen when I report something on behalf of the agency where I work, nor do I when CPS or APS are involved. I just need to do MY part. We all have a journey that is ours to travel. I keep my lane clean and pay whatever consequences are coming my way when I violate what I believe is right or wrong. I also have to clean those things up. In Step 5, we are given the opportunity to get honest with our behaviors and feelings about those behaviors, along with the motivating beliefs behind those behaviors. When I see a pattern of behavior that is causing me problems in my relationships, I need to find the common causal factors and move into that place in Steps 6 & 7 where I allow the Universe to correct them. This is teamwork. I cannot do this alone, nor do I want to. One of the old ideas that I have around the workplace scenario is a disturbing sense of being a “rat”. Today I understand that when others are doing things that are detrimental to the agency where I am employed, I do NOT want to know about it. When others engage me in being involved, they need to understand that it is NOT acceptable to me that they behave in ways that do not foster integrity. Then I will not be torn by that crazy form of loyalty to those with no integrity. I MUST honor my sense of duty, no matter how uncomfortable it may make me feel. I am, first of all, a very loyal person. So I must constantly examine my sense of loyalty to see where it lies. With this issue, I had a lot of personal experience early in recovery. It strengthened my sense of what was right and wrong. I don’t have to get involved in every petty detail, but do need to honor what is right in each situation. Sometimes the big stuff needs to be addressed. Then I know I did what I could. The rest is none of my business. I don’t need to honor those whose integrity is not in play. That is my deciding point. Today I can only keep MY lane straight and true. Still working on how fast I drive down it!