April 17

HONESTY MONTH: DAY 17: “Hiding how you really feel and trying to make everyone happy doesn’t make you nice, it just makes you a liar.” ― Jenny O’Connell

So many of us were taught as children to be “nice”. This is so hard to overcome. We say Yes when we don’t want to, and then find excuses to back out, when the best thing to do is be authentic at the start. I may agree that something sounds like fun, but I have learned to say No when it doesn’t seem like something I am or can be invested in. (BTW: This INCLUDES requests for 12-Step things…I do NOT have to say Yes to all requests in this realm either! I don’t even know where that crap comes from.) Anyway, my reputation for authenticity stems from a simple need to be honest and integral at all times; with my family, friends, in the rooms, at work, at home, at ALL times. Social niceties are so phony, because everyone smiles sweetly and says things like, “Oh, we should get together soon for lunch”…blah, blah, blah. And, of course, that never happens, because we have not and do not want to see that person until the next social event. How dull and boring to spend even an hour of my life to play the kissing-air games and pretend that I am happy to see people I do not spend any time seeing otherwise. If I truly like and care about someone, I am going to make efforts to spend time with them. If not, then I don’t and won’t. I am no good at chit-chat and nicey-nicey. So I do not pretend to be. I can walk into an event when I have a purpose, otherwise I don’t waste my time, energy or money, when the purpose is usually to impress people I don’t care about with my hair, makeup, dress or latest feats of whatever it is I am there to show off. This shit makes me crazy! So I am walking a more truthful path of doing just what resonates with my soul and only that. I want to spend quality time with those who interest me because of who they are and how they walk in the world. I got to spend some time with a woman and her son yesterday (for just an hour or so) and it was so fun! I got to know some really interesting things about her and I met her son for the first time…a real and authentic exchange of ideas and information…a great experience! I would rather do that than attend the biggest party in town…there is no soul in that for me. So I pick what I want to do more carefully than I once did. I used to hide in parties behind the outfit, the new hairdo, etc. and I hated it! Now I just hang out and take openings as they appear. I am free of the running around that kept me from those moments of genuine connection with others. I had a couple of them yesterday, and they fed my spirit…the other shit just doesn’t. How nice to learn how and when we can be authentic.

Published by: Kelly

I am a therapist and counselor with long-term recovery from addictions and personal trauma. My writing reflects these experiences and the road I have traveled in 12-Step recovery settings, along with the work I have done for over 30 years in the field. My love of dolphins includes the stories of them being healers in places all over the world. I long to offer every broken spirit and body the experience of a healing hug. May my words and stories inform, uplift and delight your spirit and soothe your weary heart.

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