LOVE MONTH: DAY 15: “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” — Zora Neale Hurston
I resonate with my soul being in hiding for so long. It was a long time before I felt safe in the world. In times of stress or fear, I have a hard time finding a safe place to be.
Recently, there has been a fiery assault on my community. There has been a lot of response to this thing. For me, I did not know I was hunkered down in my home like a little fortress. I went out into the world one day and spent the afternoon and evening in a different community with a couple of friends. I did not know how much I had been sitting with trauma of the fire until that evening.
See, I know how to hide out. I know how to sit with a courageous face in the middle of terror. It is a life-long lesson I have learned well. And, the truth is, I am okay.
The world around me does not feel safe. But, that is only because I take so much for granted. I believe safety is clean air to breathe. Not always a given. I believe safety is good water to drink. How much of the world lives without that? I believe safety is no smoke or ash falling on my head. And I believe safety is no fire burning out of control all around me, destroying my favorite places and my favorite city.
So many people live with this every day. A lifestyle. They have no safe water or food or air. Their lives are lived in the shadow of war and poverty and danger. And there has been no shortage of horrible events taking place this year for others. Now I can join their community and share with them what I do have, instead of whining about what is happening here.
I am kind of spoiled, I guess. Somewhat entitled. I live at the beach, for goodness sake! I live in Southern California, where the weather is warm and beautiful, even in December!
Big truth! I have been totally safe in all of this. I have not been in imminent danger at any time. Yes, it is inconvenient to have smoke and ash all around. And inconvenient to have fire burning a few miles from my home, which has been much closer and is now not so great a threat to me personally.
I have been blessed, and still am, that I can get into my car at any point and leave the area. I can stay gone if I want. But, I don’t choose to do that. This is my home, so I will put on my air mask and stay here. I have animals to feed and water and other things to do here that make it good for me to be here, right now; one day at a time; one breath at a time; one moment at a time.
When I left the other day, I went with my friends to a meeting that is 90 miles from my home. I love this particular meeting. I felt safe and at home for the first time since the fire started. Now I know what that is like. Sanctuary! It is what I feel quite often when I go to a meeting. Home base; “Olly, Olly, Oxen free” or however that goes. You know what I mean.
My soul is NOT in a hiding place any more. I can sit still with what is happening and realize how delusional it is for me to even write about “safety.” I have always been safe. The things that have happened to me in this life are behind me. Feelings may come up around what is happening, and I get to look at the thoughts that are present at that time. I have been given the tools to allow or disallow those thoughts and the responses or reactions I have to them.
It is imperative, for me, that I learn to look at what I believe and shift the story. Always shift the story. It is necessary for me to let my love crawl out and sit with you, no matter what is going on or what I believe about it.
Dolphin Hug 