GRATITUDE MONTH: DAY 16: “My expectations were reduced to zero when I was 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.”― Stephen Hawking
We assume a great deal in life. We assume that we are especially and uniquely exempt from the ravages of time, our old behaviors, and the things that happen to most people.
I take it quite personally that an old lady has started looking out at me when I see a mirror. Where is that sexy young woman I used to be? I still feel the same.
When I read this quote, it takes me aback. For, it is not only Mr. Hawking’s experience to be crippled at the peak of his life, but that of many other folks as well.
Oh! I may not have been grateful for the use of my body today, or for quite some time. But, man oh man, let it give me pain for even a minute and I am on WHINE PATROL! Ugh!
I remember once, in early recovery, when I did not have a car for a couple of years, nor did I have a drivers’ license. This was due to behavior by me; no one else to blame. But I had a story…a really good, and sadly, fairly common to us, kind of story. The cops had been targeting me for quite some time and they were the bad guys. Oh yeah!
Then I got a license and was so over-the-moon grateful! Yeah, took it for granted for quite a while. Now it was precious for having been lost. And then an old beater car came into my life. Wow! I could drive all by myself. Woohoo! I was SO grateful!
Then the car broke down one day. And I knew it was terminal. My sadness and self-pity were legendary! And never once had I thought to be grateful for all the miles that poor old beater car gave me. And God was not through with me yet! I was able to buy a brand-new car…brand new! Wow!
A few months later, there was a mechanical issue with the new car…what???? I was devastated! I had not been very grateful for the many miles I had driven without incident. Not once. But now I got it that I was an entitled, sniveling brat, full of self-pity that ANYTHING could happen in my life to MAKE me feel sad or disappointed. Oh my God!
That is the way I roll. As far as I can see, that is the way all addicts roll. We are temper-tantrum, self-indulgent BRATS! And nothing, absolutely nothing, is due to me. If I have a wonderful and healthy day, it is a tremendous gift. I am not more worthy or deserving than a man like Stephen Hawking. He is so incredibly gifted, and a constant reminder that someone who has lost everything and lives in chronic, ongoing pain, can continue to produce great work and inspire me every day.
Anything less than this is my incredibly self-centered way of seeing the world and the Universe around me. It is ALL about me! I am ashamed and embarrassed when I realize how often I step into this place; it is truly the source of great humility for me to see that I am blessed beyond my ability to use words to tell it
Dolphin Hug 