October 16

DISCIPLINE MONTH: DAY 16: “Endure every hardship as a discipline of grace.” ― Lailah Gifty Akita

This quote speaks to my sense of Universal justice. That we receive grace and we must work in a disciplined fashion to keep that flow coming into our lives.

This is completely different than trying to get “good” enough to deserve that grace. Because, grace, by definition, is an “unearned gift.”

We cannot earn this thing. We cannot work to pay off the cosmic debt we have created in our addiction by getting “good.” We can only clean up the path behind us and continue to clean up our present and our future by ongoing work in these steps.

There is no way to “deserve”, “earn”, or “merit” recovery. It is a by-product of grace and continued honor, integrity and discipline to do these things each day.

I love the idea of spiritual muscles. I get it that the right diet and specific forms of exercise will increase, not only the strength of my physical muscles; but also, their flexibility and ability to respond more fully when I really need to perform some physical duty or action. Physical muscles require so many ingredients to perform their functions well; such as fresh air, hydration, daily exercise and movement to keep my heart muscle healthy and strong, bending and contraction to attain optimal flexibility, a healthy diet to maintain a healthy body and organs, strengthening of muscles through aerobic exercise, and the cessation of those things that damage muscle tissue and other vital organs in my body.

Then, too, my spiritual muscles require that I do specific things daily that are just as vital to my spiritual, mental and emotional wellbeing. These include acceptance, hope, faith, honesty, integrity, humility, patience, courage, freedom, discipline, gratitude and love. (All 12 steps!) These must be administered daily to be effective. One time a week is not enough of any of these things for me to thrive in a spiritual sense. And I must continue to do this, or my spiritual, emotional and mental health begin to deteriorate. I may not relapse into active drinking or drugging, but my heart and spirit will certainly begin to show the signs of this deterioration. And that is the purpose of this thing.

To maintain this discipline is the only way I can remain in this seat, this space of grace. (ooh! Just wrote THAT for the first time, and I like it a lot…space of grace, space of grace…now it is my own invention!) And that is where I most long to be. It has been such a wonderful experience of sitting in this seat for so long. I just want more and more…and so it is! If I keep doing what I am doing, I will keep getting what I am getting. It is very, very good.

And, in addressing the part of this quote that speaks of “hardship” I will say that there have been some pretty interesting experiences in these last 31 years. And even before that. I am no longer sad, angry or bitter over any of these things or the people who perpetuated great events in my life. I get to see the benefit and the beauty of each of them. They gave me things in this journey that have been deep and wonderful gifts. My space of grace is all about the teachings those “hardships” have brought about. I would not take a single thing away from my life, nor shift it onto someone else. I am eternally grateful for the discipline of this thing and the way my life has shifted as a result. It IS ALL very, very good.