FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 22: “I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.” ― Robert A. Heinlein
This is a great quote for Step 9. We get to take personal responsibility for not only the step itself, but how we practice this each day.
Some days, I feel spiritually lazy and rebellious. That means I am not quite up to being who I know I should be, and that, too, is part of my personality as an addict. So, I rebel. And then I have to clean up any messes I have made to maintain my beautiful recovery.
In the end, I find that this is my job, not anyone else’s. My sponsor doesn’t tell me what to do with this. She knows that I know. After all the years of doing this, she knows that I am honorable and responsible with who I am and what I need to do. Even when I feel lazy and don’t want to do the right thing or be the right person. It is all up to me.
I get to reap the rewards of getting along better with others, or clean up the mess when I don’t. I don’t like cleaning up the messes, so I quit doing the wrong things. I am not taking a bow here, it is just easier not to make the messes in the first place.
So, I quit lying and being a brat only because it saves work in the future. No real sainthood for me here, but life sure is more comfortable and I sure do feel good about it. In fact, I get happier every day. Even when I feel kind of guilty about being happy, I still feel happy. I don’t know why I feel kind of guilty, except that I know it is there.
I also know that is an old idea, so I don’t let my chronic discontent come in to play. I refuse. I lived with that shit for long enough to know it is okay for me to be happy. I can and I am! Woohoo!
So, freedom also means that I can choose how I feel most of the time. Because I get to choose what I focus on and how it does or does not have anything to do with me. Most of the time, it does not. I do what I do and focus on the good and here I am, happy as hell!
And, if I feel that I need to break the rules, I get to clean up my messes. I get to pay the tickets if I drive faster than I am supposed to…my personal favorite is to speed like a race car driver…Parnelli Kelly is the name I was given in high school.
My old mentor and wonderful friend Danny used to tell us all; “You can do anything you want and stay sober. BUT you will have to pay the price for what you choose to do.”
I find that this is a great rule to adhere to. I often think the price is lower than it truly is. So, I have learned, once again, that I don’t get to set the price. If it is going to be too high, I’d better not commit the crime.
Dolphin Hug 