FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 21: “Freeing yourself was one thing, claiming ownership of that freed self was another.” ― Toni Morrison
Freedom does not mean anything if we are not responsible for what we do with it.
If I work a perfect Step 9, (something I do not believe is entirely possible), then I have eliminated all those broken relationships which were damaged in my using and drinking.
That means I have a clean slate. From there, it is imperative that I not damage another life, or do anything that is damaging in any other relationship, ad infinitum. That is not possible, with my being human and all.
There are going to be times when others feel badly about something I am doing or being or some way in which I am acting. If I am doing this purely for selfish and self-serving motives, I will owe an amends for that behavior.
If I am entirely responsible for my freedom, I have ceased doing this. I will act only in the ways that are spiritually fulfilling and uplifting.
This does not mean that others are no longer upset or bothered by my behavior. But, it DOES mean that I am not harming them or others with no thought of what that means, like I did in the past. I may not please others, but I have done no harm to them either.
This is an important distinction to understand. Most recovering people miss this one. We believe we are responsible for every feeling others have about us. This is co-dependent and keeps us dangling on the wires of their puppet show.
Not a good thing, because then we have relinquished our freedom to them to with as they will. This is always going to create new resentment and a need to work through Steps 4-9 all over again.
If I have my freedom from the bondage of self and the need to please others, I have done well in this process. It is up to me to safeguard and protect my freedom and not relinquish it to others to take care for and of.
That will never work. It is not anyone’s job to care for my freedom. It is mine. I MUST take responsibility for how I work with that freedom, or I have learned nothing and am doomed to continue this cycle over and over.
I will never heal my relationships if I don’t change the format they operate around. That is the essential ingredient. I watch others who continuously cycle through resentment, apologies and bad behavior, waiting for the other person to change. Good luck with that. It is a futile and insane pattern.
When nothing changes, nothing changes. This is YOUR job, not anyone else’s.
That is why they talk about the 12 steps of PERSONAL recovery. You must do this in order to gain peace and freedom in your life. It is such a wonderful journey. What saddens me is how many are on the road but not really on the journey. I am blessed and free when I am fully engaged in my journey, nonetheless.
Dolphin Hug 