September 19

FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 19: “My mother said I broke her heart…but it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it’s all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us…but within that inch we are free.” ― Alan Moore

When others have expectations of us, it is not our job to fulfill them. This is tyranny, and it is also a cultural standard in Western culture. Parents impose their wills on their children and hold them hostage to their will.

We tend to want them to do certain things, in prescribed ways, because it suits our ideas. None of these children is going to be happy doing our will.

It doesn’t matter what story we have around this. In the true spirit of Step 9, we MUST amend our expectations of what our families do or don’t do to suit them, not us.

This is one of the most challenging aspects of Step 9 for dysfunctional parents and grandparents. We somehow believe that raising children, (most often while WE were under the influence of drugs and alcohol), gives us some kind of knowledge that is superior to that of those same children.

They are still reeling from our influence on their lives. We MUST learn to refrain from interfering with what they do and how they do it! This is not an area where we get to play experts, UNLESS we are invited to share our opinions and ideas.

If we are NOT invited, which is most often the case, we must learn to shut the hell up and get out of their business. Being a parent does NOT give anyone the license to give advice, opinions, ideas, or anything else; unless we are specifically asked to do so. AND, there is a huge difference between holding your adult children hostage to your opinions because they ask for favors and/or money-help from you.

THIS IS WHAT DYSFUNCTION IS ALL ABOUT!! You, nor anyone else, has any idea what their journey is supposed to look like or be. You get to make all your own choices, so shut the hell up and let them do what they want. If you don’t approve, choose to bow out. Do everyone a favor and keep your mouth shut and let your opinions stay in that closed mouth.

We are all intensely capable of accessing whatever decision-making process we have. If we are truly walking a spiritual path, we are going to need to know that EVERYTHING about us is OUR business, but NOTHING else is.

It is not my business what the President is doing or saying or not doing or saying. The same goes for ALL the rest of the billions of people in this Universe. I only do ME. You only do YOU.

Any time you are busy in someone else’s life, it is because you are acting like a know-it-all and NOONE likes that, including you. So, get the point!

Just as we do NOT ever make an apology and call it an amends, we also DO NOT need to tell anyone what we think of anything, if we are not specifically invited to do so. I highly recommend that we ALL learn to just decline any opportunity to give opinions. As the saying goes, “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.” And, I add: “Please keep them both to yourself, they do not interest me at all.”

This is the most important aspect of Step 9 for me. It is NONE of my business what you think of me. My business is what I think of me, and I think I am doing really well with minding my OWN Damned Business! Peace.