FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 17: “Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.” ― Martin Luther King Jr.
We practice this somewhat in Step 4, when we begin to get the picture that there is NO reason to remain angry, bitter, or resentful of anyone, no matter how heinous we believe their crime to be. It is an important concept that we move past this place. So many addicts never do.
Even in long-term recovery, we must watch how we believe and what we believe about others. It is necessary for me to see that their role in my life was given to me by the same Power that gives me friends and those I love.
Freedom, in the sense of this quote, was for an entire race of people. Ours is of a more personal nature, but the sentiment and the necessity for letting go of anger is the same. I cannot remain angry at others whose ancestors treated the Irish (my heritage) badly when they first began migrating to this country. It is not about me. Throughout history, specific religious groups, races, and nationalities have been deemed good or bad and either exalted or hated, depending on the time and place.
None of this has anything to do with me. I cannot harbor grudges or ill-will for anyone, or it will poison me to the extent that I will eat myself up inside. I may relapse, or not, but it is the toxicity of resentment that I don’t want in my life. I do not want poison to be pumping into and through my blood.
Step 9 allows me to let go of those wrongs of others as I clean up those wrongs committed by me. It is a double-edged sword and it cuts both ways.
If I want absolution and a clean slate with others, I must learn to give that to those I believe “done me wrong”; or it will never happen, either way. I cannot get what I cannot give.
I am in love with the freedom I have today. It has been a really long time since I had to stay awake at 3:00 am to worry or ruminate over a relationship that was in trouble. I have learned to clean up my side of the street and walk away. Yours is yours.
If someone else does hurt my feelings or do something that I feel wronged by, I have the tools and skills to clean it all up. And, because I have done this, time after time, I am okay with approaching that person to heal the trouble.
Sometimes I have to let people walk away. This is in the natural order of things as well. I have watched a lot of dear ones relapse or go down the rabbit hole. There is nothing that I am going to do in that case. I honor and respect each person’s right to make decisions for themselves. I may have feelings about it, but I do not interfere.
My friends all know what I stand for. They know what I am willing to do to help them, and what I am not willing to do to enable them. We get this great balance over time. I am grateful for knowing what my role is and what it is not.
And I am grateful for the freedom to NOT take it personally when you need to do what you need to do. It is not now, and never was, about me. And that is truly freedom!
Dolphin Hug 