FREEDOM MONTH: DAY 16: “A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer
Being alone is the hardest thing that most addicts will ever learn. We go to extreme lengths to avoid it. Some of us will go from one meeting to the next in the early days to never be by ourselves. Or, when we are alone, we run around doing whatever we can to distract us from the practices that will bring us face to face with ourselves and our inner stuff.
Learning to sit with our feelings and sit still with them is one of the biggest challenges I have had to learn here. I will distract myself with TV, phone, food, busyness of 1000 forms, exercise, and so on to avoid being present to what is happening with me. I have a lot of feelings, but I refuse to sit still with them and let them tell me their story.
When I work these steps, I get to sit with myself and another person, most of the time. I get to address those stories being told to me by my feelings and work through them to turn them into new stories. I believe that this process of recovery is all about that.
Transforming the story. To see things as not being done TO me, but FOR me. I am given teachings and lessons. It is not my journey to transform YOUR behavior and attitudes, but my own. In doing so, I am often asked by others to show them how to do that with theirs. That is sponsorship.
But it isn’t, unless the work is being done. There is no relationship of sponsoring without that work. When we are joined together in transformation, it is a powerful thing. If there is no joining, there is nothing going on. That is a different story altogether.
But the work and the story are about my time with ME. I cannot give what I have not received. So, I cannot guide you to transformation if I don’t know the road. Therefore, I cannot be a good guide if I have not investigated the terrain myself.
Since I have, many people want to get that, too. It won’t happen, unless they travel the terrain as well. I have met many people who wanted to get there, but thought they knew a shorter road or a faster method of walking. It doesn’t work like that.
I have spent a great many years in solitude. The depth of my recovery has taken place in those times. It doesn’t come from meetings or going to social activities in the fellowship. It comes from my solitude. It comes when I am willing to sit well and be deeply involved with my inner guides and teachers, along with those who come to teach me my walk, my journey and the path to take.
Having a spiritual journey is not a group effort. If I hear about yours, it doesn’t inform mine. It just gives me incentive to get mine. That is well and good, but I have to go and get mine. I have done that, fairly consistently for these years. I want more…it is good…I am addicted to this thing!
Dolphin Hug 