COURAGE MONTH: DAY 4: “It takes courage…to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” ― Marianne Williamson
Sometime in 1990 or so, I began to read her books. She is fearless in writing about things a great number of people never talk about. I got to wrap my head around a whole new dynamic with her books, especially “A Return to Love.”
And I shifted in my perspective, a great deal, to embrace this dynamic of love. It is courageous to begin the journey, for it is NOT with others that we learn, but with ourselves.
See, the way I see it is this; we are not afraid to love others. We run to that dynamic, believing it will fill up the empty spaces within US. But that does not work.
We have to learn about loving and accepting and embracing OURSELVES…the longest mile, going deep within…before we can offer anything but broken and crazy to another. Our relationships are all put into our lives to teach us who we are.
I hear people talk about OTHERS as if they are broken or damaged or toxic. That just is NOT the case. WE ARE! When that is what we face in relationships, one after another, it is a deep reflection of who WE ARE and WHERE WE ARE.
So, if we are here to do this deal, let’s look long and hard at who is coming into our lives. Why are they here? What do they have to teach us? What is bothering us so deeply about them and their behavior? What do I need to own in this?
As I began to heal, there were things I could not see about me. So, YOU came to teach me. I did not want to look at some of my life too closely, so it came to sit on my lap in the form of people I did NOT like. Ugh!
And then the deep learning began. And the deep acceptance. And the beginnings of willingness to get right with ME, so I can get right with YOU.
That is the purpose of the work we get to do in Step 8. We become willing to see, deeply see, the stuff that damages relationships and how we perpetuate the idea that YOU are the problem. YOU are never the problem.
The teachings may be about my inability to formulate and respect those boundaries I do not want to maintain around myself. I may allow things to come into my life that are not right for me, and I need to learn to say NO THANK YOU more often.
I can teeter between being a shithead addict and being a co-dependent. Often, I am too lazy to look at what is going on with ME. So, there you are. When I embrace healing with what is going on for me, I am able to deal with you appropriately and not make it about YOU but about ME.
That is a tricky dance sometimes, but seldom is it as painful as I believe it is going to be. I have dreaded some things that have seemed impossible to perform and found that the doing of the thing was so freeing and felt a deep sense of satisfaction for having done it. But, then, of course, that is what Courage is all about!
Dolphin Hug 