July 31

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 31: “Time is a power of its own, and it may be the only power by which some miracles come to pass.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich

I used to believe that miracles were the outcome of what we prayed for. I no longer believe that. I do, however, see the connection between my ability to become humble and know that I cannot do this or that, and the miraculous outcome that occurs without my intervention.

This is the first thing many of us get around here.  When we make it into our first encounter with AA of NA or whatever program we come across, there is a HUGE miracle. We find out we are not alone. That is the greatest news of all.

When the obsession is lifted from us, as DOES happen more often than we know; we are given our second miracle. I have heard a lot of people share that they wanted to drink or use every day, but they didn’t. That means we still have the ruminating thought about it. The compulsion/obsession is not a thought. In fact, it is often something we are doing and then realize and recognize what is happening. The doing is not a conscious part of our awareness, not a thought. And craving is not the compulsion or obsession.

That means, to me, that the obsession is gone. We will all think about drugs and alcohol many times throughout our recovery. There is no problem with the thought. In fact, for me, the thought is a step ahead of the game. Why? Because I can choose to act or not act on a thought. I do not seem to have the power of choice over the obsession and compulsion. I have to do it! And I really saw the miraculous benefit of just having the thought. I was struck with an awareness of it. Wow!

That is a miracle! I love it! Then I get to keep going here. So, every step of the way, when I do the right thing versus the ingrained behavior, I am witness to another miracle. I am a compulsive liar and thief. I have been those things all my life. They were great survival skills when I was growing up and stayed with me for a lifetime.

The first time I told the truth, even though it seemed to be of no benefit to ME, I was shocked. It WAS a miracle! I asked for help with that, and I GOT it. Wow! And then there were so many more. I went to work (on time!) every day and worked all day and was lucid and more grateful and willing than I had ever been. Wow! That was a miracle!

And it has continued, day after day. I sometimes forget the miraculous nature of my mere existence on this marble and how many millions of miracles have accompanied me each and every day. That is awesome! I can function, I can breathe, I can teach and learn, I can walk and talk and love and feel and do amazing things I never, ever believed possible. Wow!

And none of this happened in that first meeting or on that first day. But the two biggest miracles had already occurred. I met you guys and I had the obsession removed. I asked and was answered. Wow! I am in awe of that and how it unfolds. Step 7 will help me keep asking (humbly, I hope!) and you will get to see the miracles keep coming.

I try really hard to share these miracles, because I want to testify that they are what I know to be gifts that I never earned, a life that is much more than I ever could have created. A series of gifts that I have to have the patience to express and see and feel and live. Yeah, this IS really good shit!