July 28

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 28: “What good has impatience ever brought? It has only served as the mother of mistakes and the father of irritation.” ― Steve Maraboli

I think we have all been impatient and felt the ugliness it brings. There is nothing that is more irritating to the spirit than that “ME FIRST!” feeling when we are being impatient.

For me, this feeling is the antithesis of all that I seek in recovery. I am grateful for the first 7 years, when I commuted to a job that I loved and lived in a home I really loved. Those days were all about learning to be in traffic and be one with the other drivers, even though I was usually running late (that was a big issue for me for many years!) and had the mindset that everyone was in MY way, all the time. Ugh!

I would arrive at work feeling like I had just fought a huge war…I had; but the war was with fighting the way things ARE. It was about Acceptance and knowing what my ego was screaming at me all the way to work.

I am so grateful for this lesson. It gave me so much to work with. I got to see that I am not the only one who believes the road should be mine when I need it! And we wonder why the BB talks about us being self-centered in the extreme! Ugh!

I learned, during that time, that I was impatient and often fearful. The fear would come up when another driver did something that was unanticipated or was not paying attention. Oh! Now, we all know the proper conduct in these situations is to hold up a BIG middle finger, 2 if you can; and honk your horn and make them see your displeasure and try to run them off the road. I know.

Then I get to work and am TOTALLY unglued…angry to the bone and self-righteous as hell. Then, one day, I got it that I was only AFRAID of the way that driver was behaving. Oh! If that is the case, then I can respond differently to them.

First of all, I had to recognize that I made mistakes all the time, sometimes when driving. I would NOT see a car and be embarrassed when I tried to tell the other driver “Sorry” and they behaved in a nasty fashion.

So, I work to remember that we all make mistakes, many times when we are driving. If I am doing what I need to do in life, I am practicing mindfulness and am aware and present to what is happening around me. That means that I see their mistake and can avoid whatever might happen by stopping or swerving or whatever.

Okay. Now I am not going to show them my bad behavior. But I will say “God Bless you” to that person and wish them well. They will probably be more mindful that day, and so will I. I really don’t want them to hurt me, themselves, or anyone else. That is the truth. So, I need to remember what I REALLY going on when I get all pissy.

My drives are getting better. I sometimes get impatient when I want to get somewhere in a hurry. I am more inclined today to leave early and get there as soon as traffic allows. This is a good thing, since it is only getting to be more populated on the roads.

This all holds true for whatever I am doing and wherever I happen to be. There are more people, so many more opportunities to practice Patience and be the kind of person I really want to become. Yay!