July 26

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 26: “Patience is not passive waiting. Patience is active acceptance of the process required to attain your goals and dreams.” ― Ray A. Davis

And anything that requires time to ripen. I remember getting married and how impatient I was feeling to grow old with my husband. I have so much love for the way some couples grow old together. That was a dream for me.

I made my husband promise me we would have at least 20 years together, so we could have a party with our friends to celebrate. I was 45 and he was 52 when we got married. I knew we would not celebrate 50 or 60 years, but 20 was good for me.

We actually got to be married 6 years and 8 months and 27 days. It was not nearly enough. But it was what the Universe gave me. To have had that kind of a marriage was so fabulous! It was so amazing that I still am in awe that it happened at all.

I did not just wait. We were convinced we would grow old together, which is certainly true. But we worked on being married “forever” and that was our secret ingredient, I believe.

The same holds true for recovery, at least for me. I remember telling people in the meetings that I was here to get 50 years, at least. That will make me 81 when I leave this place, but I also have invested well in my health and longevity.

I can see myself taking a 50-year cake. I dream of this and deeply hope it is my reality. What that means is that I must do this work with devotion and dedication to that time. I don’t just stay sober today. I invest myself well with work that will carry forward for some time.

I am not here to hang on from one day to the next. I laid down that foundation with deep and sturdy roots. And I maintain it well on a very consistent and permanent basis.

I only get to live and breathe from one moment to the next. But I do the work that is going to sustain me for many, many years of recovery.

Some folks are so busy putting band aids on their lives that they never get to the deep work we must do to recover. I watch them and they invariably show me the results. That is how I learn to do what I must do to stick around.

Deep work equals deep results. But not just once. It must be ongoing and continuous. We may not drink or use, but I sure as hell do not want to live with that kind of unhappiness and discontent. I had it when I got here.

My joy in life is deeply felt and authentic. This is how I know that I am on the right path. There are times when I listen to the Monkeys (SPM) and believe what they tell me. Then I get to do my gratitude work, my journaling, meditation, this writing, etc. Before I know it, I am breathing in some peace and breathing out the BS monkeys throw. Ok!

I spend a few minutes each morning (sometimes more when I am drawn to play) in my gardens, especially in the summer. There is so much going on out there! Especially with the cats and all. There are things growing and blooming and wondrous events. Today there was a mouse from the cats. Not great, but they offer gifts to express their gratitude, I know. (And I am really glad for one less mouse around my home!)

I am grateful for the deep work and what it has brought. I am grateful for the quality of life I had as a married woman and how that felt and how I felt. I am grateful for the bounty of blessings in my life today. It is beautiful and I am blessed. And I practice patience in so many ways, but it does NOT mean I am passive or sitting still!