July 19

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 19: “Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

I believe this is one of the most wonderful and beautiful things I have read in many, many years. I love doing these writings because of the quotes I get to gather each month. This one is new, because it came this month for the first time in my research. (I really love that!)

It is hard to work with some of the quotes year after year. I don’t know when I will stop doing this writing; maybe at the end of my life. Like I said, I don’t know. It brings great joy to my heart and my day. What makes this quote so especially wonderful is the gathering wisdom in my life. I really do understand so many of the answers today. There are few I am unsure of. There were so many for so many years that I did not know who to even ask.

Part of my long journey into and through this life is that I have kept a notebook with my questions for God since this very first started. I knew who had my answers, but I felt like I had a very long-distant appointment to set at the feet of a Deity that was very Catholic and with the long robes and sitting on a cloud, etc. I was terrified of (and very angry with), this Deity named “God”.

Growing past that place to where I sit now is a very long and very slow process. And each day I am given more and deeper understanding of what that Power is that I sought. And the more I am given, the more certain I am that there is no dude in the sky with those long robes and sitting on a cloud. There is no dude at all!

So, my heart holds all the answers today. Why? Because it always did. I just did not know how to reach a place where enough quiet could permeate and give me access to my knowing. What a tremendous gift this is! And this quote about Patience is the antidote for my crazy pursuit of that dude, using all the crazy character defects I had at my disposal.

OH! Set down the crazy shit and just BE…who knew? Well, probably a lot of those people who have been my gurus and teachers on this journey. However, I could not grasp what they told me. I have read, probably a thousand times, that it is an INSIDE JOB. But I did not understand fully what that meant. We don’t GET IT until we GET IT. YAY!

When I clean out myself and my head is no longer running the show, I get to hear what is whispering very softly inside my heart. It is only after I let go of all these things that I know why I need to let go of all these things.

As long as I was trying to figure it out, instead of doing it, I could not GET IT. Damn! Ain’t that the way it always is? Yeah, I guess. But, for me, I am SO grateful for the peace I get when I read this quote and realize that there are very, very few questions left for me to ask THE DUDE if I met Him anyway?