July 8

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 8: “everything comes in time to him who knows how to wait . . . there is nothing stronger than these two: patience and time, they will do it all.” ― Leo Tolstoy

I am not a good waiter…I seldom procrastinate about anything. I get things done in the moment when I know I need to do something. This is sometimes not the best path.

But I hate to leave things for “later”. I am way more motivated than I should be to “get ‘er done” …and it can cause trouble in some areas of my life.

So, I have to learn to pace things according to the thing that needs to be done. I really want to get all things off my plate so I can have the time to deal with next things as they come up. I am very impatient with those who procrastinate and avoid responsibilities.

This is very different from how I was for many years of my early life and during my active drinking and drugging. I adopted the Scarlett O’Hara phrase; “Oh, tomorrow is another day.” I would let things go until they caused me deep trouble.

Not that I wasn’t aware of them. These are the things that come to sit on our pillows at 3:00 am and keep us awake and agitated, which causes anxiety. Oh goodie!

More and more often, I am able to find balance with life. I do not entirely agree with Mr. Tolstoy, because I truly believe we have footwork to do and action to take. I always have a good list of things that I can do when I want to get in the middle of my life and stir up something just for the sake of being entertained or diverting my attention to what I am supposed to be doing.

The one arena where I must be most mindful is in my responsibilities to myself. I love this work and do it with a grateful heart. There are other things that fall by the wayside when I am chronically “busy”. These things allow me to feel better about myself and good self-care. They are my hikes, my morning yoga practice, Reiki practice, and going to the gym a few times each week. For whatever reason, they are sometimes left by the wayside and I begin to feel “icky”.

Now, I will blame the things that are keeping me “busy”, I will be irritated that others are imposing their needs on me and making me too busy to do these things, on and on… you know the drill. Truth is, I am the only one who sets my priorities. Seldom do I truly need to take care of your needs more quickly than I need to care for my own.

Then I end up with resentments and being cranky. OH! And whose responsibility is it to make sure I do “First things first”? Uh, I think that belongs to me. Shit! And every time I am irritated or pissy with you because you are not giving me what I think I need from you, it is 100% because I am not giving me what I need!

It was never your job, never your responsibility. This is what chronic “ism” is all about. I neglect my responsibilities to myself and then get all kinds of pissy with everything else I have decided must be done first. OH! Shit again… and NOONE is making me do this… I am doing it all by myself… and still blaming you! UGH!

So, when we set our priorities, it is important to know what comes first, what comes next, and so on! My only job is to know that I must get my own oxygen mask on before I can help you. The same goes for all the rest of my life. If I do those things that keep me spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally fit, I can show up to be of service. Otherwise, I am a pain in the ass and all whiney and stuff. No one calls that service. They call it ugly… sigh!