PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 7: “A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen
My friend Jerry, as well as my sponsor, enjoy the writings of this man. I have been introduced to them and love it when I find a quote by him now, since it brings them both to mind. Isn’t it wonderful how our memories of friends and loved ones, along with those we may not hold so dear, is triggered by a reference to something we know about them and their likes, dislikes, habits, etc.? I find it pleasing.
My impatience has been so ugly in the past. I have sighed and shifted my weight from one hip to another while standing in line for something. (And, unless it is the ladies’ room, I don’t need to be such an impatient brat!) All us women know that joys of the lines in the ladies’ room. Yikes!
I am especially ashamed of my impatience since coming to you guys. When I am not quite so self-centered and/or loaded, I am present to the ugliness it brings into the setting. It doesn’t help, but it sure can make a waiting situation worse than it already is. And it spreads. If I am impatient, pretty soon others are as well. Now we are all getting ugly.
And isn’t it the worst when 1 person is not impatient? OMG!!! It is miserable to realize they are a much better practitioner of spiritual principles than I am! UGH! I can hardly look at them. It makes me want to lay on the floor and die. It is a brutal reminder of how awful my attitude has become.
Life takes planning so that there is space enough for me to have time to wait. If I am in too much of a hurry, it is important that I not impose my impatience on others. I have options. I must make better plans with my time. If something urgent is happening and I must respond to that, then I need to do so with a more patient attitude.
Being ugly and impatient is not an option if I am to continue to grow here. I need to look at who I believe I am and what is actually going on and assess what I believe about the situation.
I know what I have believed in the past. That the Universe was revolving with me at the center of its axis. This meant that all delays were crucial to the proper running of all things Universal…time, life, weather, day and night, the tides, matters global in this stratosphere, and Universal in the rest of them. I was mighty and extremely crucial in importance.
In other words, an arrogant asshole. I see them all around me, showing me the ugliness I perpetuated in the world at large. Rude, inconsiderate, self-important, on and on. It does not make me proud to know these things, nor to admit them.
Where this matters is in that daily 10th Step, where I have to admit to myself the things that I did in that day I am not crazy about. Then I need to address that ugly feeling I have when I know I have been an asshole. I don’t like being an asshole. You have shown me another way to live.
Does it happen. Yeah, ego thrives on some days. It happened one day last week. I believed I was not properly honored when I showed up to do something. It is the second time I have had this happen…what is the issue here? I wrote some stuff and got to the place where I could see what I was telling myself. Some old ideas at work.
And it went on with me for a few days. I did not act out so much in that time, but I sure wanted to! And this is what we get to do with these things. We get to find that hidden something that will manifest itself to us. We get to learn and grow…again and again…oh yeah! I sure ain’t done yet!
Dolphin Hug 