July 6

PATIENCE MONTH: DAY 6: “Make your ego porous. Will is of little importance, complaining is nothing, fame is nothing. Openness, patience, receptivity, solitude is everything.” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

I wish I knew how to make my ego porous…does that mean it is full of holes? As soon as I wrote the question, I went to find out. I LOVE computers! They satisfy me with the ability to know answers to questions so quickly!

So, yes, porous means full of holes, like a rock. Although we see rock as impenetrable mass, it is full of openings and pores. Okay. I need to poke holes in my ego. I get it. I believe that is what we do around here. Isn’t that the purpose of those steps? YES!

This quote also speaks of the nothingness of will, except I believe we are here to align ourselves with the Will of the Universal Power that created everything we see in Nature. Since I have no idea what that Will is, my only job is to keep holes in my ego. That means I must be patient, open, receptive and quiet to receive my daily instructions.

There is no rest in this. But, the busy-ness implied is of quietly waiting and listening and seeking. Never in knowing or understanding or learning. Just in being quiet and waiting. I love that!

And I love that my favorite spiritual authors and poets were solitary folks. I am a solitary folk. I love being with myself and Creation. I get to be around people sometimes, but I truly enjoy the base of my life that is solitary and quiet.

This, for me, is the process of recovery. Most recovery people run around a great deal and are very social. I have found that I get too far from my spiritual center, which is quiet and meditative, when I am being “busy.” So, I have learned to limit my social interactions and to take care of myself with doing some things every day before I go out into the world.

I really love to spend time with friends, one on one, or in a gathering with a few people. I am not good at large groups or parties, because the energy is overwhelming. I am surprised by this, because I was into that for so many years of my addiction. I loved giant concerts, big groups of people, and being around all kinds of gatherings.

The longer I am around here, the more I treasure my time alone, doing what I love the most. Most of the time, the things I really enjoy doing are solo or with one or two others. Seldom do they involve groups. I guess this is the process of both recovery and aging…I am not sure, since I am doing both.

I do know that I have never shied away from solitary explorations or excursions. They enliven me. I have moved so many, many times, alone, to places where I do not know a single other person, or even just one or two. I love exploring new places, finding new stores, enjoying new restaurants and meeting new people in meetings.

I don’t do that as much these days, again, perhaps because I am more content with what IS and less interested in the adventures of exploration. But I do know that I am a great deal more patient with life than I used to be. The flow of life suits me well at this time. I don’t need a lot of outside interaction to make it work. I am okay, I am at peace. I am content. For someone who identifies as a “chronic malcontent”, this is far more than enough!