HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 26: “A true genius admits that he/she knows nothing.” ― Albert Einstein
An interesting phenomenon has made itself known to me this morning. I sit with a lot of self-centered fear, as a default setting. This is not unknown, but there have been some circumstances (all financial, of course!) that have been going on for about a month in my life.
Each time I get centered and peaceful about NOT letting the screaming purple monkeys run the day, I am okay. But, overall, I can see the course that they have been running over this time period. Today it is relieved, again; more deeply I believe than since it began. The situation remains unresolved, but my peace is not contingent on solutions right this moment. Hooray!
How I had this “moment of clarity” was in looking through the quotes about Humility that I am working with. A couple of days ago, I was completely certain that I had used all the good ones and could NOT work with the remaining quotes at all. Today, I saw that ALL of them were great quotes and I was torn between two avenues of writing I wanted to take. Hahaha! I love this shit!
Today, I wanted to write about how smart I was when I got here. See, I have some brilliant kind of genius brain that has been a detriment since I was very, very young. Why? Because they told me when I was in 1st grade that I was way smarter than other children. They put me into special schools and classes where I could excel at whatever I enjoyed doing. Because I was this “genius” kid, I felt superior to cover up all the insecurity of having been an adopted kid, having been abused for so long by various people, having no sense of belonging in the world, blah, blah, blah.
Now I knew why I was different. Okay. So, I decided that I would just be the smartest kid around. Only, I wasn’t. That meant competing with other smart kids. Oh! So, really, it was no great asset at all. But I was able to use it to demonize my sister and terrorize my parents. Okay.
Getting here, I was too smart for my own good. I had a brain full of knowledge, but no wisdom. I had a ton of crazy experience in all the ways we self-destruct, but no way to do what you guys were doing. And, for the first time, I could truly admit that my desire to fit into this deal was HUGE! But I did not know how, and I had to ask for help…a LOT. And I felt so stupid and so inadequate about that, along with being mindful of how long that feeling had been with me.
I could not, for the life of me, fathom WHY you guys would help me. I wasn’t as nice as so many others. I was kind of a bitch and scared and thought I was tough…totally NOT! But I WAS willing to admit I did not know how to do what you were doing.
And, truth be told, this was the thing that took my ego to the ground. So, this quote, the one I could not possibly write about a few days ago, is the best one of the lot for me. My true genius showed up here, when I was a slobbering newcomer! Geez! That, in and of itself, was a pretty sizeable revelation for me this morning…I am so grateful that I do not allow the SPM to run the show as much as they’d like. Instead, I listen and discard what they say in the moments when I am aware of what they are saying. This has taken an active meditation practice for these many years.
No wonder they did not want me to use this quote. Humility is not their thing. They are too busy telling me I am a genius. Oh, hell yeah! So, today, I am made aware, again, by the Power of this amazing Universe, that I am a REAL genius, because; again, I know nothing. All I know is what got me to THIS moment. From here on out, I am willing to know nothing and see what comes next. The fear can sit there, but I am not buying into it. I learned that here, from you guys, and I am SO damned grateful!
Dolphin Hug 