June 14

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 14: “Humility means accepting reality with no attempt to outsmart it.” ― David Richo

Life has turned on me…physical attributes I thought would always stand me in good stead are doing horrible things. My mind is no longer my greatest tool, sharp and cutting. Now I want to live more fully in the center of my heart.

What I believed about life has turned completely from what it was when I got here. My perspective and attitudes have slowly, oh so slowly; shifted into a new paradigm. This, I believe, is called wisdom. It is also called Serenity and Humility and Gratitude and Acceptance. Aha!

Calling things “reality” is a tricky idea. You see things from your perspective and call it “reality”; which may not resonate with how I see things. I prefer to use the word “life.” This gives me the ability to see it from all angles, if necessary.

When I look at life, I can see so many different views. This is what we learn to do here, I believe. I can see how what I labeled “bad” turned into a great asset for my learning. And what I label “good” can be the demise of my spirit; and frequently has been.

We all love money, sex, food, and lots of other things. If these become the destination to which I travel all the time, I am chasing sensual pleasures that do not feed my spirit. Trust me, the Screaming Purple Monkeys (SPM) LOVE this!

I see something new and bright and shiny and SPM wants it NOW! And I can stay awake all night trying to figure out how to get it. Most of my early life was spent in chasing these elusive butterflies of ego.

I would get one and see another one a bit farther out on the branch of that tree and climb out after it. I never looked to see if my perch was safe. I trusted SPM that I would NEVER fall down. Hahaha!

Off I would dart, here and there, chasing bright and shiny things. I would no sooner get one than I would see another, and another…always brighter and shinier. Yikes!

The true lesson, for me, has always been to love and appreciate what I have. Because I have suffered tremendous loss with those things that have slipped through my fingers before I believed I was done with them.

If I am able to truly and deeply express and feel gratitude for this moment, this precious moment, I will not grieve it when it is gone. I will live fully in the moment and love it and find joy and contentment in it. That is the goal. And that brings happiness to my heart and soul.

When I live fully and deeply in my heart, I am in love with life and all that it brings. I accept it at face value and do not deprecate or deny any part of it. This, for me, is humility. I want to be humble, always, enough to know that I am enough, I have enough, I do enough; and that nothing shiny is going to shift that away from my heart.

Recovery has brought wisdom to my heart, stillness and peace that I longed for but did not believe I would ever find. It was never shiny, nor did I chase it. It came when I took off my running shoes, stopped listening to the SPM, and sat quietly with what I had and how it was, right this minute. What a gift! I cannot get this any other way. Simple, truly beautiful, inspiring and joyful…and how odd, but what I thought I would get in the “stuff” is what I get without it. Oh!