June 13

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 13: “I am not concerned that I am not known; I seek to be worthy to be known.” ― Confucius

My ego tells me I should be the most famous and well-known person on the planet. I could be the queen of the Universe and so self-promoting of my skills and wisdom that others would bow in awe. Then I wake up and LAUGH!

I am a big fan of laughter. It is the humbling of myself, over and over again. I am always enjoying myself if I am laughing. I love those who can tell jokes and stories in humorous ways, because we all love the laughter of others having fun.

Life is a humorous proposition. When I wrote the first two sentences here, I was being so honest. I don’t know where my DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR come from, but I certainly have them. I am a very average person, with mostly average abilities and looks.

There is nothing particularly special about me, but I can blow myself up into a huge ball of importance at times. My Screaming Purple Monkey (SPM) is louder than yours…oh yeah…take that! Geez! It is a lot of fun to remember all the times I wanted to come off looking good and totally blew it.

The first time I was asked to speak at a convention was, of course, by mistake. I was a reader at the Sunday morning spiritual meeting. The woman who was supposed to come and speak for 10 minutes did not show, so they asked me to do her 10 minutes.

This was my big break! Instead of the meetings I had spoken in, where attendance was maybe up to 100 people, this was about 800…awesome! And I knew it was the spiritual meeting, so I tried (with absolutely NO humility; and my ego the size of Riverside County) to give a spiritual pitch. I had NO words…I just stammered and stuttered and did not know where to start. After about 2 minutes of silence, I just said that I was thanking God for AA and AA for God. That was IT! I died, mortified and so sad at the wonderful pitch I had created in my fine mind. Ugh!

And after that fateful meeting, whose main speaker was fabulous, I met a new woman who had about 20 years and came up to introduce herself to me. She was so gracious and told me it had happened to all speakers at one time or another. We went on to become really good friends and still are to this day. She was the gift of my first lesson in public humiliation. I still have the tape of that meeting. I will always keep it; great reminder.

I don’t care any longer to be that great speaker. I spent many years travelling all over the world to speak. I was invited to go to quite a few countries where I had clients and friends who would call and ask me to come and speak. I also did a lot of US travel in the good old days. I am grateful. It used to be much easier and WAY more convenient to travel. In today’s world, I go less often and am okay with that.

I am not all that and a bag of chips. I have enough people in my life to fill my heart. I still get to work with clients in a treatment setting and I love my work. I meet new people all the time and love them all. I want to be a worthy friend, a worthy sponsor and sponsee, a worthy human being. I am overpaid by the riches of love and people in my life today. I get to do good work, most of it for no money. I have all that I need (unless the SPM is talking!), and life is so full and rich.

I live in beauty and abundance or life’s wealth. And the best part of all is that I have become the person I was most afraid of being. That is all that I could ever ask for. This is such great shit!