June 11

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 11: “We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” ― Ernest Hemingway

Life is a curious thing. We think we know what we are doing and head off in that direction, only to hit a brick wall or 15 of them.

When we practice Step 3 each day of our recovery, we are going to have adventures that we cannot possibly understand or foresee. That is what keeps it all so exciting and interesting, as far as I am concerned.

Just when I think I have something figured out in my life, surprises pop up and I am off on another path entirely. Okay.

Allowing these things to unfold as Universe presents them is such a challenge for a control freak like myself. I take great pains to figure it all out and plan accordingly. HA! My only egoic goal is to keep life smooth and predictable…BORING! And it never happens like that.

As a super-efficient kind of woman, I make out a budget every month because I have to plan how money is going to flow or I fall short. It is never going to work, but I do my best to list all my assets and liabilities for each month, along with whatever discretionary income I might have coming in. This is so much fun, because it never works on paper.

The Universe always steps in at the last moment to make it work out. My experiences with this are hilarious! I poke and prod to make it go my way and it always comes out, not just fine, but much better than what I could have created. And it happens with time and space and my entire life when I remember to leave space for the new and let go of my plan(s).

So, I have learned some things around here. The lessons, however, just keep coming. I remember old-timers saying things like this in meetings and I always wondered how the hell you just “Let go and Let God” or “It will all work out if you get out of the way.” Blah, blah, blah!

My sponsees often give me the same blank stares and demand the same answers I used to demand. I love how much control and ego we all have. I also love where I am today. My trust in the Universe is so much deeper than I could ever have imagined. I have stayed around here long enough to know that this life thing, in which I AM an apprentice for forever, is better every day.

And that my ego, my crazy screaming purple monkeys, have less to do with how I walk into and through this thing each day. I really, really love that! They get less attention from me and less often interrupt my thorough of enjoyment of being this self I covered up for so long with “figuring it all out” and “knowing shit.”

I know so little today. Only things that have already passed, like what I had for breakfast and who I talked to first this morning. The rest is open, wide open. A whole day! I have somewhere to be at 4:30, and the rest is up to the Universe…I believe it will be a grand adventure…it usually is! See ya there!