June 4

HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 4: “A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.” ― Alexander Pope

I work with new members and their families. I have for a long time, since early recovery. The most common thing I hear from them is “I know.”

I hear it in meetings, in a thousand ways. I learned to not say this to my sponsor. It irritated the shit out of her. I get that. Of course many things are heard and recognized in life. Of course we have all read a few books and watched enough television to have acquired some information about what is expected of us as we become adults and move through the world.

What “I know” means in this situation is that it is information I have heard, read, seen or been exposed to before. That is information, not wisdom. Nor is information practice.

All of us have heard most of the stuff that we see in the steps. There is very little in this thing that is not available to us elsewhere. So, what?

Information will not give us freedom from addiction. It WILL give us an attitude of knowing all about it and believing information is all we need. BIG EGO! Information is just that, BIG EGO!

One of the dangers of education is that we know too much. So, what? Our lives are in the toilet and we are dying from letting ego run our lives into the ground and we come back with “I know.” Really???

It is astonishing to me how long some people use this phrase into their recovery, a word I use with a great deal of trepidation in some cases.

Knowing does not constitute change. Knowing does not EVER constitute recovery. Some people say that when we know better, we do better. I have yet to see the connection.

When I get to the point of working with someone who is so resistant that they continually “know” all that I tell them or suggest, I stop. There is no point.

We cannot recover when we know everything. There is no space, no opening into which light can penetrate or come in. This is one of the deadliest parts of having a few years in this thing. Denial begins to tell us we know what we need to know.

This is true, in essence, because there is not a great deal of new information. However, the application of what we know is the crux of what recovery truly is. This means we must be able to stop and admit our foolishness in thinking knowledge or information has anything to do with recovery.

I love my work! I love the work I currently do around here. I continue to learn from my clients and my friends in the fellowship. There are wonderful learnings all the time.

This last year has brought me through some of the deepest work I have ever done. I am so grateful that I am on the other side of some really amazing things. And grateful I never said, “I know.” Or “I already did that.” It would have killed my ability to grow.

And the service I get to do now is ten times what I was doing even six months ago. I just keep saying YES to the life that unfolds, and I keep getting these amazing people and events coming into the open spaces where I let go of what I know and what I have done.

It deepens each time, I recover a little more from my Kelly-ism, the Screaming Purple Monkeys have less hold on my life, and the miracles keep on pouring in. What a tremendous life it is!