HUMILITY MONTH: DAY 3: “In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualified to do his work, to bear his glory. If we are qualified, we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there’s no danger that we will confuse God’s work with our own, or God’s glory with our own.” ― Madeleine L.
In recovery, none of us is qualified to begin to live a spiritual life. We are not equipped with what we will need to take even the first attempt at it.
So, we get to live with that kind of humility. It will infuse us with the notion that we can follow others who have done this thing before us. We can follow those whose lives have become those things we most want for our own lives.
This is a beautiful setup, in my opinion. The mentors and teachers who have informed my recovery are numerous. Some have been models of loving service for me. Others have been mentors in achieving those worldly things I once believed would bring me a sense of “success” in this world.
Some teachers (probably the greatest number!) show me what my “ism” really looks like when it is untreated and walking around, all puffed up and arrogant. That is how and why I have become motivated to stop behaving in some specific ways.
There have been those sponsors, teachers and mentors who came into and through my life on their way to another path. They all have made some imprint on my life.
I have learned and grown toward the end that was in mind for me, although I did not know the path or the steps it would require. I remained open, most of the time, or at least flexible enough to have NOT broken in the process.
Humility, for me, is the continuing process of not knowing, of being able to see that this is good shit, and I want more, but unclear on how to proceed. It is the simple wisdom that has been gained thus far and being content with this minute and this one and this one, without an agenda.
Letting go of MY agenda is the key. If all I want is the Will of the Creator, then I am on good terms with life. If all I want is MY will, I am going to suffer.
I have never been qualified to live a spiritual life, but I have longed for it since I was born. Maybe before that, if my heart is right about it. Perhaps this whole idea is to return HOME to my heart and soul each time, a bit more polished around those rough edges. I believe so.
The beauty of recovery, for me, is the ongoing miraculous nature of every single day, of each moment, of the entirety of it; and the crooked path it has taken. Who knew where some things were headed? Not me, I would have messed so much of it up, if left to my own devices. Truth is, I was on a suicide mission when I got to this deal. I would have thrown it all away.
Without qualifications, this has been the most wonderful and awe-inspiring journey I have ever taken! And it is far from over, if I have my way. But if it is, I can also say…that would be perfect as well.
Dolphin Hug 